The Lost God

by Sheila Masterson

“Yours is not an easy road, girl. It is hard to carry memory. It makes the mind chaotic. You will need a will of iron to forge the path that needs to be taken. The whole world will try to tell you who you are, but it’s your choice if you want to believe them. Fear will be your catalyst, and only you can decide who fear will make you.”

Only you can decide who fear will make you, the seer had said. Cecilia let it make her a warrior.

There had to be more options for her. Still, a lifetime of chipping away at herself had left her with little idea of who she was outside of someone who sacrificed for what little power the kingdom allowed her.

Frustration swelled inside her, her skin a size too small for her wild soul.

Marriage seemed a tool used to contain women, all while convincing them they’d gained valuable proof of their worthiness. Yet every other courtly lady seemed content to think of love as a magic that only existed in exchange for ownership.

She clung to her rage like a shield.

a wound doesn’t need to leave a scar for it to go on hurting. She’d experienced more pain in her life from invisible scars than ones the world could see.

You fell in love with the first person who showed you kindness in a world that made you feel other. Haven’t you ever wanted more for yourself? Someone who would really see you?”

Women in Olney weren’t supposed to acknowledge their own beauty, even as the world held it up as the only currency worth having.

it was a reminder that he only expressed his true feelings once he was certain she was gone. Thrilling in his regret was like celebrating a raindrop when she needed a river.

In the depths of her heart, a voice bellowed for more. Perhaps it was foolish to think she could get that in a world so set on mediocrity. Perhaps she was a dreamer who needed to wake up and accept less.

But less wasn’t in her. She was a witch, a huntress, and a lady, and she needed someone who could handle all of those sides of her. Someone who wouldn’t make her feel like she had to put a limit on her desires. Someone who would look at her and beg to see all of her, consequences be damned. Someone who would dare to want more right along with her.

Alone in the darkness, Cecilia promised herself she would never want less again.

It was against her nature as a warrior to reveal places where she could be easily wounded, and yet she wanted to show him every one.

Cecilia tipped her head back and sighed. “Gods! I am just so tired of men deciding what I can and can’t handle!”

“You may be a goddess, but you’re also a stupid, vapid girl.” Davide glowered. “Yes, Davide. I have many facets—like a diamond,” she said.

“Just save it. Because I need my energy to figure out how to get us out of this nightmare, not to make you feel better for being a shitty guardian and a shittier friend.”

“Mothers are the ones who raise us. They don’t have to be the ones who birth us.

I did not drag you across two kingdoms for you to die here now.” His eyes were glassy with unshed tears. “Don’t go where I can’t go.”

I’m no stranger to the dark. I’m not afraid of it, and I’m definitely not afraid of any part of you. I love you, whether you are at your best or your worst, no matter what happens.”

She would never again be powerless to men who ruled with fear.

Her anger was clarifying. It sharpened her words into a deadly weapon she was ready to wield against whoever required wounding.

She looked forward to the day when she had the luxury of being proactive instead of reacting to each crisis as it arose.

She was the sharp blade. She was night. She was the stillness before a storm. The wild edge of sorrow. The dark itself.

She was a breaker of minds, a bender of reality, a plague on memory. A Lost Goddess found. She was ruination.