The Iliad

by Homer

No gentle slumber seized him, and his heart was wondering how he could glorify Achilles, and bring death to many men beside the Greek ships. So he formed a plan to send a deadly dream to Agamemnon, the son of Atreus. His words flew out.

WTF Zeus

I grab you, rip your cloak and tunic off, 320 expose your private parts, and beat you up, humiliating you with blows.

??

490 then the two Ajaxes, and Diomedes, and sixth, Odysseus, whose wily cunning could rival that of Zeus. And Menelaus, the master of the war cry, came to join his brother without needing to be called. He knew what Agamemnon had been doing. These leaders formed a circle round the bull, 410 and took some barley grains, and Agamemnon spoke in their midst. “Almighty Zeus, great god of dark clouds, god in heaven, before sunset, 500 before the shadows come, may I hurl down the hall of Priam, blacken it with smoke, and set his gates ablaze with deadly fire, and let my spear slice Hector’s shirt to shreds, and may his multitude of friends and comrades fall to the dust, their teeth sunk deep in earth.” But Zeus, the son of Cronus, did not yet fulfill his prayer. He took the offering, 420 but magnified their pain.

LOL

290 to make them give me recompense, and stay right here until I make an end of war.” With that, he used his pitiless bronze to slit the sheep’s throats and he laid them gasping down upon the ground to take their final breaths. The bronze blade took their strength. The Greeks and Trojans ladled the wine out of the mixing bowl and poured it into cups and then they made prayers to the everlasting gods like this— 370 “Zeus, the most glorious and mightiest, and all you other deathless gods, let those who are the first to violate these oaths have their brains spattered on the ground, just like 300 this wine—theirs and their children! Let their wives become the property of other men.” That was their prayer, but Zeus, the son of Cronus, did not yet grant it. Then Dardanian Priam addressed them all.

Zeus at it again

But come now, let us go to bed and take pleasure in making love. I never felt desire like this enfolded all around me, not even when I first took you away by ship across the sea from lovely Sparta, and afterwards, upon the isle of Cranae, 560 I shared a bed with you and we made love. Not even then was I so seized by sweet desire for you.” He led her to the bed. His wife came with him and the two of them lay there together on the well-made bed. But meanwhile, Menelaus paced around all through the crowd, like some wild animal, 450 trying to catch a glimpse of godlike Paris. None of the Trojans or their noble allies could find where Paris was—though if they had, 570 they would not have concealed him out of friendship. Indeed, the Trojans all detested Paris, as if he were black death. Then Agamemnon, the lord of men, said,

Bruh

Zeus, 30 40 the god who musters clouds, was deeply troubled. He answered, “Hera, you are very strange!

Imagine being called strange by Zeus

Cunning Odysseus replied with scowls, 350 “How can you say this, son of Atreus? What words have slipped out past your fence of teeth?

When mighty Agamemnon realized Odysseus was furious, he smiled and took his comments back. “Odysseus! Son of Laertes, favorite of Zeus! You are so full of clever schemes and plots! I will not scold or blame you, not too much, or give you orders. I already know 360 that in your heart of hearts you think of me 480 with deep affection. Certainly, your thoughts and attitudes are just the same as mine. If anything unpleasant has been said, let it be all forgotten in the future, and may the gods ensure it comes to nothing.”

Agamemnon isn't trying to catch Ody's fists

The disrespectful stone

Not the disrespectful stone

right buttock,

Rip

except for Aphrodite,

Well damn

As if you ever would have misbehaved in public!”

are you sure about that

Outrageous and egregious Heracles!

This man made many enemies

“Shapeshifter, do not sit with me and whine. Of all the gods who live on Mount Olympus 890 you are the one I hate the most.

DAMN

With this, the two jumped off their chariots and grasped each other’s hands and swore the oath. Then Zeus robbed Glaucus of his wits. He traded his armor with the son of Tydeus, and gave up gold for bronze—gold armor, worth a hundred oxen, for a set worth nine.

Zeus moment

They knew that he would never come back home again from war.

:(

He took a step back, and his sturdy hand picked from the ground a big black jagged boulder and hurled it straight at Ajax, and it struck his seven-layered shield, on the boss right in the center, and the bronze resounded. Then Ajax grabbed an even bigger rock,

"And then I came back with a one-two" ahh energy

470 had sent a separate batch for Agamemnon 600 and Menelaus, sons of Atreus— some unmixed wine, a thousand servings of it. The long-haired Greeks made trades to get that wine. Some traded bronze for it, some gleaming iron, some cattle hides and some, whole living cows, and others traded wine for human captives, taken in war. They made a lavish feast. All night the long-haired Greeks were banqueting. The Trojans and their allies did the same inside the town. And all night, clever Zeus 610 was plotting pain for them, and thundering, and rumbling with a terrifying noise. Pale fear seized hold of them. They splashed some wine 480 out of their cups and spilled it on the floor. Nobody dared to drink before they poured libations to the mighty son of Cronus. Then they lay down and took the gift of sleep.

Zeus is always plotting

And if I see 10 any of you attempt to go and help the Greeks or Trojans, I will pummel you and push you back again to Mount Olympus, or grab and hurl you even further off, all the way down to shadowy Tartarus, the deepest chasm underneath the earth, beyond the iron gates, beyond the threshold of bronze,

Okay man I think they got it

I was not being serious. I love you.

He loves his daughter fr

So let young Bright Eyes see what it means to fight with her own father. But I do not blame Hera quite as much or feel so angry with her. After all, this is the way she normally behaves.

Bruh

No creature is more like a dog than you.”

I'm dying