Between the Devil and the Sea (The Devil and the Sea #1)

by Chani Lynn Feener

If you or anyone you know is ever in a toxic relationship, please seek help. You deserve better. And if you ever meet an Apollo, run.

So true. I love reading about toxic couples but I absolutely do not condone toxic people in real life.

Shade’s parents had been as normal as they came. Which was why they’d only lasted a handful of years with their freak son before abandoning him to the system.

Poor shade.

It didn’t have to mean anything more than that or go any further. “Are you seeing someone?” The question left his mouth so quickly, it took him a second to process he’d been the one to ask it. How unprofessional.

Dammit Shade! You just said you weren’t going to do that.

“I was abandoned,” he admitted. Apollo didn’t apologize like most people would, or even give condolences like Shade had. He merely stared at him beneath hooded lashes for a stretch of silence before drawling in that honey-toned voice of his, “Aren’t we the pair, Detective?”

His reputation was the only thing he had going for him, and the mere thought of tarnishing and losing that left him terrified.

Poor Shadow! He can’t even discover himself because he’s afraid of how people will react to him. He’s constantly being rejected or feared already.

Who wanted to be with someone constantly in pain? It killed the vibe. That’s all Shade ever did. Drain the life of the party. He’d been told as much by a couple of the upper classmen at the Academy and it’d always stuck with him because it was tru—

Poor Shade.

But that’d never stopped him from fantasizing about being wanted so badly by someone that they’d do literally anything to him to have him. Tie him up, pin him down…His mind wandered to the slaps Apollo had given him and he bit his lip as his dick twitched at the memory. Which was so fucked up.

Shade Yor hated what he was, not the fact that he was a Chitta, the fact that he was a broken one.

Poor thing.

“Wait…” Shade’s stomach clenched uncomfortably. “Can you read me?” “Like an open book, baby. Why?” This time when he tilted his head, there was an edge to the movement. “Got something you want to hide from me?” Was it just him, or had it suddenly gotten tense between them?

Why is it so hot in here Mrs. Puff

“Don’t worry about that,” Apollo told him, voice dropping to a low whisper, “there’s a great chance I’ll end up hurting you on purpose.”

“Seriously?” Shade scowled at him. “Now you think Apollo is some secret criminal mastermind?” “No,” he exhaled, the first gleam of frustration showing, “of course not. I’m just saying we can’t rule anything out.

👀 Gael’s the only one making sense here.

There was a cold calculation written on Apollo’s face, a twisted satisfaction that Shade didn’t immediately understand.

The truth is coming out!

“It appears that I’m a little bit obsessed with you, Detective.”

“in the spirit of staying truthful, I hope you fight, tooth and nail. I hope you try to dig those claws of yours into me, Shadow mine, if only so that making you purr will be all that more gratifying. Keep me interested and we could do this for a while. Don’t and…Well. It’s obvious what will happen to you, isn’t it?”

He crazy!

“Embarrassed that all I had to do was stroke you a few times to get you hard for me? This is nothing, baby. In due time, I’ll have it so your dick is rising and ready at the sound of my footsteps approaching. I won’t even have to touch you to get you to weep for me just,” he rolled the pad of his thumb across the silky head, “like this.”

Apollo is such a villain but this is kind of a hot threat. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

“I told you,” he repeated, “you’re different.” “Different how?” “I stalked you. I hunted them. There’s a difference.” “Is there?” Shade wasn’t convinced.

“And people’s overall energy. Know what you taste like, baby?” A pleasure-filled rumble made its way up Apollo’s throat. “Chocolate. Chocolate all the time. Up until now, only one other person ever tasted like that. My father.” “I already know about your daddy issues, but honestly? Yikes.”

He’s got daddy issues!

“Chocolate-covered pickles,” Apollo stated. “That’s typically the taste of apprehension, pickles. Sweet and sour and pungent. What’s wrong, baby? It finally hit you you’ve become the property of an actual psycho? Were you just throwing that word around before to be cute? It didn’t work. It just pissed me off.”

A Chitta who was unable to feel the full range of human emotion. A Chitta who harbored one of the darkest, most twisted secrets Shade had ever heard of. A Chitta who was a psychopath. Just one of those things sounded impossible to Shade’s ears, let alone all of them. “Who are you?” he asked, but he was almost certain he didn’t actually want the answer.

“I’m the Sun or I’m the Devil, really depends on the way you look at it. As the sun, I’ll burn away all that misplaced self-loathing you’ve got. I’ll keep away all those unwanted foreign emotions so there’s just you left swimming in that sexy mind of yours. I’ll melt through your stubbornness and help you see that you’re perfect just the way you were made. I’ll keep you wrapped up in my warmth until eventually you’ll be begging me not to exit your orbit. All you have to do is accept me, baby. Just give in to your fate.”

THIS MAN IS INSANE!

“If that’s your grand scheme, to hide me away forever, that isn’t going to work. If that isn’t it, and you’re seriously trying to convince me you have a magic, healing dick or some such bullshit, you really are a psycho.”

The more Shade’s mouth said no, the more his body screamed yes, and Apollo took pleasure from that fact. Was it wrong? Fucked up? Forced? Sure. If he was a better person he would care. But he wasn’t and he didn’t.

Problematic fav behavior right here.

Apollo had no interest in hurting anyone else, in making them show their true selves to the world. Every day he woke up, excited to make Shadow show him, and that was enough.

Is this our redemption arc?

“Black roses symbolize major change and new beginnings,” Shade bit out, pissed off about being backed into yet another corner.

“What? Pretending not to care when you sneak off to kill someone?” Shade asked. “I won’t.” He was just as shocked to realize that he meant it as Shade was to hear it. But it was true. “You’re all I need.”

What is this character development! Shade’s hole must be made of magic to turn Apollo around

The problem with knowing you were being conditioned was it didn’t help. It made him feel worse about himself, sure, but that was the extent of it. It couldn’t stop his brain from conforming, couldn’t stop his body from adjusting to Apollo’s ministrations.

Shade didn’t need to be an empath to know he’d made a mistake. The man above him coiled, his face contorting into a sheer mask of rage and all of Shade’s senses seemed to narrow in on him, so that everything else bled into the background and it was just the two of them, alone, with no hope in sight.

I am ✨spiritually✨ biting my fingernails to the nub

Apollo had come for him with such intensity that the other guy appeared completely out of his mind. …No one had ever wanted Shade enough to completely lose their minds over him. To pin him down and take him even as he screamed and fought back. This wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t normal.

“You aren’t going to die,” he said then, firmly, as if there was no question about whether or not that was the truth. Shade’s heart skipped a beat and before the self-hatred for that response could kick in, he forced the conversation to continue. “What?” “I’m going to keep you,” Apollo told him. “Forever. For always. My perfect little Shadow,”

“This is conditioning,” Shade told him. “I know that. I’ve known it from the start. Logically, I can still see all the reasons this is fucked up and I should push you away. But just because I knew it doesn’t mean I could fight against it. Just because there’s no way for this to actually work doesn’t mean I don’t want to give in and see how long we can make it. I already tried running.”

“You just killed someone for me,” Apollo’s honey-toned voice cut through Shade’s thoughts like a razorblade, slashing through any of the resistance he’d been trying to build inside of himself.

Shade had murdered a man, had sex in his blood, and had sat back and watched as all of the evidence was destroyed. That wasn’t just grounds for expulsion from the I.P.F., if it was discovered he’d be thrown in a dark prison cell to rot for twenty years minimum.

Be it Stockholm Syndrome or grooming or whatever, the fact of the matter was Shade had feelings for Apollo. Was it all kinds of fucked up? Yes. But he had them and that was that. Pretending he didn’t wouldn’t solve anything. He’d spent his whole life pretending and look where that’d gotten him. Miserable and alone.

“Since I’ve been entertaining, mind if I tack on another ask?” Shade had planned to all along. “Sure,” he could practically visualize the blond detective shrugging as he said, “what’s the difference between one or two broken laws between friends?

I enjoy Fox.

“He’s mine.” It was really simple. For the very first time in his life, he had something simple. Maybe not from the outside. He could see why it didn’t seem that way to Gael, but for him… “He’s a killer.” “You’re not hearing me,” Shade reiterated. “He’s mine.”

I can’t pretend to understand what you see in this guy. I’m still torn over if I should try and stop you from leaving with him or not. But…If there’s anyone in this universe who knows what you’ve been through, Shade, it’s me. You’ve been different this past week, but it hasn’t all been in bad ways. I don’t want you going back to that, to the pain and the suffering from before. So, if staying with him is what will help keep you from that darkness, I don’t need to understand everything. I just need to know that.”

Gael is truly a ride or die.

“Stay in touch,” Gael ordered. “I changed my mind. I don’t care if it puts my career at risk. You’re family. Stay in touch, Shade. Or the threat I gave your psychopath applies to you too.” “I got it.” Shade smiled. “Thanks for being the only one keeping me going all this time.”

I’m going to cry! Brotherly love!

“I love you,” he whispered with a groan. “My perfect little Shadow. So forward and keen on getting what you want.”

“You’re going to be mine until we’re both old and gray and then even after that. When we die, I’ll find you in the next life. I’ll hunt you down and make you mine all over again, baby. I’ll never let you go. You’ll always have me. You’ll always be my perfect little Shadow.” “I love you,” Shade said.

Not them being cute!