The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

by Mark Manson

this fixation on the positive—on what’s better, what’s superior—only serves to remind us over and over again of what we are not, of what we lack, of what we should have been but failed to be.

We feel bad about feeling bad.

The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.

Wanting positive experience is a negative experience; accepting negative experience is a positive experience.

the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place.

To be happy we need something to solve.

Happiness is a constant work-in-progress, because solving problems is a constant work-in-progress—the

True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving.

In other words, negative emotions are a call to action.

we shouldn’t always trust our own emotions.

We like the idea that we can feel fulfilled and satisfied with our lives forever. But we cannot.

What is the pain that you want to sustain?

Who you are is defined by what you’re willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles

our struggles determine our successes.

because our values determine the nature of our problems, and the

nature of our problems determines the quality of our lives.

If you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and/or how you measure failure/success.

“One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.”

The point is to nail down some good values and metrics, and pleasure and success will naturally emerge as a result. These things are side effects of good values. By themselves, they are empty highs.

What are the values that you prioritize above everything else, and that therefore influence your decision-making more than anything else?

This, in a nutshell, is what “self-improvement” is really about: prioritizing better values, choosing better things to give a fuck about. Because when you give better fucks, you get better problems. And when you get better problems, you get a better life.

We don’t always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond.

The more we choose to accept responsibility in our lives, the more power we will exercise over our lives.

A lot of people hesitate to take responsibility for their problems because they believe that to be responsible for your problems is to also be at fault for your problems.

We are responsible for experiences that aren’t our fault all the time. This is part of life.

I have to choose how to live with it.”

This openness to being wrong must exist for any real change or growth to take place.

The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it.

we’re all the world’s worst observers of ourselves.

For many of us, our proudest achievements come in the face of the greatest adversity. Our

Learn to sustain the pain you’ve chosen. When you choose a new value, you are choosing to introduce a new form of pain into your life. Relish

Life is about not knowing and then doing something anyway.

Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it.

Entitled people who blame others for their own emotions and actions do so because they believe that if they constantly paint themselves as victims, eventually someone will come along and save them, and they will receive the love they’ve always wanted.

The victim, if he really loved the saver, would say, “Look, this is my problem; you don’t have to fix it for me. Just support me while I fix it myself.” That would actually be a demonstration of love: taking responsibility for your own problems and not holding your partner responsible for them.

Acts of love are valid only if they’re performed without conditions or expectations.

all the meaning in our life is shaped by this innate desire to never truly die.

caring about something greater than yourself,

The pampering of the modern mind has resulted in a population that feels deserving of something without earning that something, a population that feels they have a right to something without sacrificing for it. People declare