The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

by Mark Manson

Wanting positive experience is a negative experience; accepting negative experience is a positive experience.

the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become,

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”

The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it.

That means the more something threatens to change how you view yourself, how successful/unsuccessful you believe yourself to be, how well you see yourself living up to your values, the more you will avoid ever getting around to doing it.

This is why people are often so afraid of success—for the exact same reason they’re afraid of failure: it threatens who they believe themselves to be.

Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it.

If we follow the “do something” principle, failure feels unimportant.

The point is this: we all must give a fuck about something, in order to value something.

To value X, we must reject non-X.

But part of having honesty in our lives is becoming comfortable with saying and hearing the word “no.”

“If I refused, how would the relationship change?” Similarly, ask, “If my partner refused something I wanted, how would the relationship change?”

People with strong boundaries understand that it’s unreasonable to expect two people to accommodate each other 100 percent and fulfill every need the other has.

It’s not about giving a fuck about everything your partner gives a fuck about; it’s about giving a fuck about your partner regardless of the fucks he or she gives. That’s unconditional love, baby.