Applying Pressure

by Shvonne Latrice

“You know what, old man, I will go make your plate. Maybe you’re so damn grumpy because you’re hungry.” I gripped his shoulder. “I will let your rudeness slide this one time, but disrespect me again, and I’ll be whacking you over the head with this hard purse.

“I love my brother, and he is honestly one of the greatest guys I know, but you need to be careful with him.” “Careful, why?” My stomach dropped at the sound of her words. Coming closer and lowering her voice, she said, “He likes you a lot, more than any girl he’s ever dealt with. And sometimes he likes or maybe even loves a little too hard.”

“You straight.” I drank some of my cognac. “That’s why it’s important to talk about shit instead of just switching up yo’ behavior. A lot of times shit can simply be a misunderstanding. I’m very upfront, so I need my woman to be the same. You not fucking with some shit, tell a nigga. You didn’t like the way some shit went down, tell me. Even if I ain’t fucking loving you right, tell me. My ego ain’t so big that I’ll risk losing you. I’ll make the necessary adjustments or clear shit right the fuck up ASAP so we can move on. I’m a problem solver, baby. Whether that’s with a quick chat, apology, or laying a nigga on his ass, I’m gon’ fix shit.

“Because you need to realize the way you’re going about getting with her or staying with her, is wrong! You have cameras in her apartment! Do you not understand how wrong that is! I tried to convince you to handle it, but when I realized you wouldn’t, I decided to get your attention through her!” “So this was on purpose?” I laughed. “Yes! I knew if you thought she was gonna leave your ass, you would do what’s right!”

“Wait, what? Why would you do that? Why would you do that knowing I had someone… following… me.” It came to her all at once as her eyes widened and speech slowed down. “You. You were following me. You scared me into getting the security cameras. You… what else have you done!” she screamed the last statement. “Where is Xion and Johnathan! Oh my gosh, you killed Royal!” She dug through her purse for her phone but I snatched it. “I can’t let you do that, baby.” I shook my head. “Even though I covered my tracks and you won’t be able to prove a damn thing, I can’t let you do that shit.”

what the fuck I had to do!” “You know that would almost be romantic if you weren’t a fucking psycho, nigga!” she belted. “I ain’t no fucking psycho, aight? Now I may be a little off, but I ain’t no psycho! I did what I did so I could have you and protect you! Every one I got rid of was because they were threatening what we had together or you personally!” “Get out! Get out!” She shoved me.

“What did we do to the universe to make it so hard for us to find a normal man to settle down with?” “No idea. But I’m starting to think there aren’t any normal men.” Looking over at her, I said, “I think women find what they can and just marry it.”

As demented and unhinged as his actions had been, I couldn’t deny the slight flattery I felt. He’d gone to great lengths to secure a relationship with me, and I didn’t know if it was romantic or obsessive.

“I already hit the pussy once, so I don’t need it again. And didn’t you just hear what the fuck I said into the microphone?” “I did, but I’m just trying to test drive again, not make a purchase.” She winked. “Well you don’ ran that pussy into the ground, and now ya license is expired. Let that muthafucka cool off then try another dealership.”

“Aight, but let me make one thing clear, Myomi, it’s either me or nobody.” “Oh, so you’re gonna kill me?” “I would never, I love you too much. But I also love you too much to allow you to give a fuck nigga permission to take my place. Ain’t nobody better for you than me, and if you try to test that theory, you gon’ hurt a lot of muthafuckas when I react.” Kissing her cheek, I said, “Now let’s go clean up.”

“Because like I don’ told yo’ ass, if it ain’t me, it ain’t gon’ be no fucking body! You decide if you wanna grow old and lonely with a bunch of stank ass muthafuckin cats, or go out with some good dick and love in ya life!”