Consultant Dad makes them anxious because Consultant Dad is anxious. When I’m anxiously trying to avoid my own loss, I’m not making room for theirs. Grieving Dad creates a space for their loss—which means I must more fully experience my loss of everything’s okay. We have to hold the loss together. In the process, I nurture my holding capacity for similar losses caused by other less-than-ideal happenings in my world. The shift from avoidance to holding involves an emotional exchange. Grieving Dad feels more sadness than Consultant Dad. But Grieving Dad feels—and causes—much less anxiety than
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