Not My Kind of Hero

by Pippa Grant

“You’re a girl.”

Motherfucking fucker, I did not just say that.

Yay! my vagina cheers. He likes us feisty! She is so in time-out.

I have problems.

I’m almost thirty-five years old, telling a woman to ask my aunt about my fear of mushrooms.

“I don’t talk about it because teenagers are assholes and I’d end up with piles of mushrooms on my desk every year if I did.”

what? I can say dick, but I can’t say cuntnugget?”