Like You’ve Nothing Left to Prove (Breakaway #2)

by E.L. Massey

“Afternoon, sir,” Alex says, extending one hand. “I’m Alex; I’m here to pick up Eli for our date?” “Oh my god,” Eli says as they shake somberly. “You guys. Stop it.”

Im in love

Maybe this is just his life, now. Maybe after everything, maybe he just gets to be happy.

“So,” he says, trying to strike a casual pose and failing as he misjudges where the door frame is. He doesn’t entirely fall over, but it’s a near thing.

“I want the whole everything with you. Joint Christmas cards and buying a house together and stupid inside jokes. And kids. Maybe. Someday. Mite hockey. Or figure skating. Or nothing on the ice at all. Maybe, like, chess. Just… Whatever they want. To be happy. I think we’d be really happy. You make me happy.”

Im crying

Alex would play in the home game against Arizona

Yesss homestate

And then he pets the side of Alex’s face. Gently. Like Alex is someone who deserves gentleness.

“Well, yeah,” Matts says. “But never to someone who was actually gay.” Alex just stares at him until Matts realizes how stupid that just sounded.

“Fucking cocksucker,” Booker hisses. And. Well. Alex glances at the ref who is still pointedly pretending he can’t hear them. “Uh, yeah?” Alex says, tightening his grip on his stick. “I’d be a pretty shitty boyfriend if I wasn’t.”

“What you’re doing—it’s a big deal. And it’s okay that it’s a big deal. It’s okay to care.”

Because no homo. Is rainbow blindfold though. Because Hell Hounds also pro-homo. You know?”

One posts a picture of himself with his arm around empty air, followed by The Fairly OddParents trophy meme, which has been adjusted to say “This is where I’d put my boyfriend…IF I HAD ONE.” #prohomo.

And that kid is encouraged to do things themself. Except when they fail, which is normal, their failures are criticized, and the kid is told they should have been successful. When the kid points out that others are failing, too, they’re told those people aren’t…their peers, I guess. Because the kid had already illustrated with previous successes that they should be held to a higher standard. Now, they’re competing with their own perception of self as described to them by an authority figure. And then they internalize that they must have become lazy or aren’t working hard enough, or maybe they’ve somehow lost the thing that made them special to begin with.”

“And as an adult, your self-worth is all tied up in your accomplishments. So even when you’re successful, you don’t feel as if you’re good enough. The minute you’ve achieved something, the achievement gets added to the list of things that make any failures even more noteworthy. And when you do fail at something, it feels like the end of the world. Since you’re certain you should have, and could have, succeeded, even if you don’t know how.”

“It’s not stupid if it helps.

“Alex is being homophobic,” Eli mutters. “Oh?” Jeff says. “I won’t kiss him until he’s done with this paper,” Alex explains.