Check & Mate

by Ali Hazelwood

Wouldn’t you rather be in a relationship? Truth is, it seems safer not to. In my experience, commitment leads to expectations, and expectations lead to lies, and hurt, and disappointment—stuff I’d rather not experience, or force others to experience.

I turn around, but my body already knows, like my atoms vibrate differently when he’s near.

“Are you real?” The air between us swells, overflows. “Sometimes I’m scared that I imagined you. Sometimes I think you’re only in my head.”

But if you unzip your asshole and pry your head out of it,

“But I think that, maybe because of what happened with your dad, you tend to believe that when people mess up, that’s it. They don’t get a second chance. And sometimes that’s true, but other times…” She shrugs. “I’m here. Your family is here.