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"I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t think you’d care,” I confess.
“If I knew you felt the same, I would’ve been on the first flight back.”
“That’s why I didn’t want to tell
you. I didn’t want you to risk your dreams for me.”
“Don’t you know you’ve always been my b...
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“I didn’t believe it back then.”
“I won’t make the same mistake again.”
“What mistake?”
“Letting you le...
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He proves that I have no hope of being anyone’s other than his. My heart, body—my entire being—is his. At one point, I may have actually hated him. Or maybe I hated how much I was his, even when I thought he didn’t want to be mine. He’s making things clear as ever now. I’m his, and he’s mine, but there’s still so much we have to figure out.
“Our bodies can’t lie to each other. I’m wrecked for you, and despite you fighting it every chance you get, I know you’re wrecked for me, too.”
“I’m yours.” One thrust. “I love you.” Another thrust. “I won’t survive if I lose you again.”
I knew I was making the mistake of a lifetime when I watched Mare get on that plane. Every part of me wanted to chase her, to beg her to stay in Sutten and find a way to make her dreams come true from our familiar small town. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t ask her to sacrifice her dreams to stay with me.
“I love you,” I repeat. “My love for you won’t go down without a fight this time.”
love. “It means I should’ve never let this happen between us. Do you hear yourself? I took your virginity and I haven’t even taken you on a real date. That’s so fucked up. I’ve fucked up.”
read the words on a little plaque hanging on the shelf: Fiction Bestsellers. I point to it. “One day, you’re going to be on this shelf, Goldie.”
“You’re going to make it on these shelves one day. Your books will be everywhere, and you’re going to be this phenomenon. People
will fall in love with you and your words because it’s hard not to.”
“No. Not maybe. I know it’ll happen. I know you. I know your talent. You’re going to get there, Goldie. You’re capable of achieving every single one of your dreams. But you can’t do that from a small town like Sutten.” My words break with the la...
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I hate knowing the best thing I can do for the woman I’m hopelessly in love...
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“You’re going to do the biggest things. Everyone will know your name, and I can’t wait to cheer you on.”
“Be there with me,” she says against my chest.
“You’re meant to go, and I’m meant to stay.”
My eyes track over her. There are so many new freckles on her cheeks from the summer sun. I’ve kissed every single one of them. It’s sad to know that any new ones on her face won’t get a greeting from me. It’s sad to think she’ll have a whole new life that won’t include me in it.
How dare he downplay us? How dare he pretend that we weren’t happy together a week ago?
How dare he let me leave without even fighting for me—for us. “So that’s it, huh?” My words are angry and untamed. He’s given me a long time to think about what I want to say to him, and I won’t hold back.
Clearly he has no intention of fighting for us, so I might as well say everything I’m feeling. I might as well get...
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“That isn’t fair. You always knew I was leaving. I’ve suggested us doing long distance, me coming home more, me taking classes online to keep us going. You’ve shot down every single suggestion. You kissed me, told me all these things about how we’re ruined for each other, and now you’re just what…done with me?”
“Yeah. I guess I’m done.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“You should.”
“I love you. I’ve been in love with you my entire life, Cade Jennings. This summer was the best summer of my life because of you. And if you felt anything close to what I feel for you, you wouldn’t let us end this way.”
“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me.”
“You don’t get to tell me what to do. I’m the one in charge right now. And if you want to end us, If you want to demolish the most perfect thing I’ve ever felt to nothing, then you’re going to do it to my face.”
I’m devastated to lose him. He seems fine with losing me.
“Say it to my face, Cade. Tell me right now you don’t love me, and you’ll never have to worry about me again.”
I sigh, wishing I could be honest and tell her I think she’ll be the only person I love my entire life. I think the ghost of our memories will haunt me on the ranch. It’ll be bittersweet to watch her make every single one of her dreams come true without me in her life.
“You can’t tell me you don’t love me because I know this isn’t all in my head. Love like this doesn’t have to be talked about. It’s so much more powerful than words. It can be felt and I feel that you love me like I love y—”
“I don’t love you,”
Fuck, there's so much anguish in her voice. I hate myself for doing this to her. I hate myself for being weak and letting anything happen between us. I fucking hate that I’m having to lie to the woman that owns my entire fucking heart.
“I’m sorry. I just don’t love you the way you want me to,” I lie.
“I’m so sorry. I wish I could’ve been it for you. That I could’ve felt that way…” She lets out a choking sound, and the noise has me way too close to giving up the charade. I’m seconds away from telling her I’ll risk her hating me later if it meant she didn’t hate me now.
“I think you’ll regret this,” she says, attempting to keep her shaky words steady. “One day, I think you’ll realize that what we had together was the realest thing you ever had, but you were too scared to fight for it. I won’t be waiting around for that moment.”
“One day you’ll forget all about me,” I tell her. “I’ll just be a boy you thought you loved once.”
“You’re not just a boy to me, Cade Jennings. You never will be.”
“I got it about a month after you left. To be honest, I wasn’t in a good place. I kept telling myself I did what was best for you, but I was so fucking lost after you left. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have you. It hit me hard and all at once that I didn’t know how to live without you.”
“The marigold was my own way of keeping you close to me. I know I did some things that really hurt you, and I hate that I did that, but I never stopped loving you, Goldie. Not for a single second.”
“I tried so hard not to love you. I was in denial for a long time before I finally accepted that there would always be a part of me that loved you. And there was nothing that was going to change that, even though that drove me crazy at times.”
“Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if we’d waited until we were a little older,” he says, grabbing either side of my neck.
“I don’t want to dwell on it. Let’s focus on us. Right...
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