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For all my besties who prefer their book boyfriend to have a backwards hat, a pair of cowboy boots, and a filthy mouth. I hope you have the ride of your life with Cade Jennings.
When it’s time, I’ll meet you in a field of marigolds. Just like the one you were named after.”
“I don’t know, Goldie,” he whispers. “I woke up and just felt like you were there. That you needed me. And then—”
His copper eyes take in my face. “I don’t like seeing you cry, Goldie.”
Cade Jennings was always there for me when I needed him—until he wasn’t.
I loathe how much more tamed it looks now that she’s all grown up. Maybe it’s the fact that the carefully styled locks are just another reminder that she left our small town and didn’t look back once. She adapted to city life like it was made for her. Like her place wasn’t at the ranch where mine would always be.
I prop my arm against my truck. I don’t bother hiding the lingering look I give her as I observe her from head to toe. Marigold Evans. My Goldie.
Her eyes soften. When she takes a step toward the truck, I get a glimpse of the girl I used to know. For a few short moments, she doesn’t look angry with me anymore. In fact, she looks at me the way she used to. She watches me like she thinks I hung the moon. Like I can do no wrong. Sometimes I wish we could go back to old times. A time before I let her down.
For a few short seconds, I remember why I gave her the nickname Goldie in the first place. Aside from it being a shortened version of her name, she always reminded me of the sun. She brought light into my life. And for right now, even if it’s only for a brief moment, she brings a little bit of light into a darkness.
Sometimes when you’re grieving you don’t want to be told things will get better. You just want to feel the pain without people making false promises. With death nothing gets better. They’re still gone. Things just get more tolerable to deal with.
The slight twitch of his lips tells me maybe it’s working. “There she is.” I crane my neck to look up at him. “What?” “I got a glimpse of the old Goldie. The one I was so—”
I grunt. Not wanting to talk about the girls. More specifically—Marigold. I’m all too aware of her plans. She seems to have them all the time now. Every boy in this town has been wanting to occupy her time.
The simple answer is my feelings toward Mare aren’t—and never have been—simple.
Before Mom goes inside, she lays a hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “I love you, honey. Thank you for making this a night to remember. It’s always the ones you weren’t expecting that end up being the best.”
I don’t know which Cade I liked better. This more rugged, toned, closed off version of him that I barely know or the leaner, softer side of him that treated me like I hung the moon.
When I’d first picked out Mare’s room, I’d put her in the room farthest from mine on purpose. Now I hate it. There’s only one person I want to see right now. Only one person I need. And it’s her.
She’s always been my kryptonite, my favorite drug and sobriety was never an option.
Tomorrow I’ll have to go back to being angry with her in an effort to protect my heart. But tonight, I’m going to let her do exactly that. I’m going to let her be there for me. Because I need her more than ever before.
“Oh Goldie, you’d be here forever. It was broken way before this happened. I don’t think it’ll ever heal.”
I’d do anything to help heal his heart. Even if it means breaking mine again in the process.
At least she saw it too. At least I know my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me.
There’s something between us. I’ve known about it since my sixteenth birthday. I’ve just been waiting for him to play catch up.
“I’m tired of fighting myself over how much I think about you. I’m tired of telling myself that I shouldn’t look at my little sister’s best friend the way I look at you. I’m really just tired of pretending that my entire head isn’t full of you and only you.”
“Oh my god,” I whisper, taken aback by what I see. Cade comes to a stop next to me, his shoulder brushing against mine. “I know it’s not our typical birthday spot for you, but I was hoping this scene might make up for it.”
“The thought of another man touching you, tasting you, is enough to drive me fucking mad.”
“That’s my girl,” he states proudly. Like fuck she’s your girl. I bite my tongue, knowing I have no right to say that even though it’s exactly how I feel.
“I haven’t fallen in love with anyone since you left. I’m not able to. You can’t fall in love with someone if your heart still belongs to someone else.”
“If I ask you one more thing, do you swear to not lie to me again?” She nods. “Do you want to kiss me as bad as I want to kiss you?” “No,” she whispers, the one word feeling like a punch to the fucking gut. “I probably want to kiss you more.”
“When I was a kid, I’d always thought about the new freckles that popped up on your face with each hour you spent outside. I’d always felt like they needed a proper welcome now that they were part of a face as beautiful as yours. So now that I can, I want to kiss them hello.”
“Want to know what else I am?” he asks, his tone getting more serious. My boots kick against the stall door as he plucks the hat from my head. Traitor. He was distracting me with his intense, broody, copper eyes. “What?” I still ask, wanting to know what his answer will be. “Yours,” he answers simply. He traces half a heart over his chest.
“I thought you’d want me to stay away!” she shouts. We’re lucky that everyone on the ranch is currently away and busy or we’d have a full audience for the fight happening between us. “Why the fuck would I want you to stay away when I was in love with you?” Her mouth falls open. “What?” she asks, her voice breaking.
“Take that anger out on me, baby. Because I’m sure as hell about to take it out on you.”
“I’m yours.” One thrust. “I love you.” Another thrust. “I won’t survive if I lose you again.”
“Do you just not look where you’re going, or do you just enjoy running into me?” His voice is scathing. My eyes immediately snap to him, wondering why this guy is being such a dick for something that was clearly an accident.
In front of me is a sprawling field of marigolds.
“A reminder of you,” he answers honestly. His gaze doesn’t falter from mine. His amber eyes stare back at me with an immense amount of love and adoration. “A heartbroken man’s attempt to cling to the love he’d lost.”
My heart sinks at Mom’s words. I look back at all my childhood memories, and it’s obvious to me Mare felt that way, but it isn’t something I like to think back on. It hurts too much. All I can think about in the end is how bad I hurt her. She spent all those years idolizing me, loving me, only
for me to break her with a few words at the airport.
"Read the dedication. Read the book. I think you might find out that while she has many dreams, her biggest one was always you.”
“I think the two of you have a lot to figure out. After reading her words, after seeing you be the shell of a person I know you to be since she left, I think there’s still a lot left unsaid. I’d hate to see a love story
as beautiful as the two of yours end before it was meant to.”
“Bring our Marigold home,” Mom says, her voice hopeful. She leaves me alone with my thoughts, the Colorado night, and the book.
“I was wrong, baby. I’ll make anything work to keep you. To keep us.”
“Yes. I’ve had you under the moon before, let me claim you under the sun, in our field of marigolds.”
“That’s right, baby. This pussy is mine. Always has been, always will be.”
“My tongue is going to remind you of how no matter where you are, you belong to me. And then once my cock is buried deep inside you, I’m going to show you that I belong to you.”
“I don’t fucking care how we make it happen, but soon, you’ll be in my arms again. You hear me?”
“The last time you talked about him you said, and I quote, ‘There’s no way that man has a big enough dick to be that big of a dick.’ And then I think you said something that his terrible attitude is his way of compensating for his ‘small dick’ and ‘lackluster looks.’”
“Pippa didn’t seem to think my cock was small when she was trying to fit it in her mouth when you
so rudely interrupted us with your rather desperate call for help.”
