Rewrite Our Story (Sutten Mountain, #1)

by Kat Singleton

I’ve tried so long to keep my shit together. For Dad. For Pippa. Hell, for myself. I’d hoped that maybe if I stayed busy and kept my head down my emotions wouldn’t ever hit all at once. I was fucking wrong. My throat feels like it’s closing. I can’t fucking take a breath. My vision goes blurry, and I wonder if this is what it feels like to have a panic attack. Without even thinking about it, I almost rip my door off the hinges as I burst into the hallway. When I’d first picked out Mare’s room, I’d put her in the room farthest from mine on purpose. Now I hate it. There’s only one person I want to see right now. Only one person I need. And it’s her.

Well she guessed that!

I stop in front of her door. I’d been too busy trying to sleep, then fighting a breakdown, that I never thought to check the time. I know it’s late, I just don’t know how late—or maybe, early—it is. I pause, wondering if I should just lose my shit on my own. I don’t deserve her help. Fuck, with how I’ve treated her, she probably doesn’t even want to help me.

Now, I don’t know how to fucking cope with the fact Mom is dead. And I’m going to have to live with the fact that my last memory of her is of her lifeless body. The only thing I can think to do to cope with it is by being in the presence of the woman asleep on the other side of this door. At least, I thought she was asleep. But just as I turn to go back to my room and figure this shit out on my own, the door is pulled open. Mare stands on the other side of the door. Her eyes are heavy, like she’d just woken up, but they widen when she takes me in. “Cade?” she says, her voice groggy with sleep. “Where were you going?” I manage to get out. Her head tilts to the side in confusion. “What? Nowhere. Why?” “You opened the door.”

“I don’t know. I just felt something. It just felt like you nee⁠—” “Like I needed you?” I finish for her. She nods, taking a step back into her room. I follow her silent invitation. I know with every part of me that I shouldn’t be stepping into this room alone with her but it doesn’t stop me from doing it. She’s always been my kryptonite, my favorite drug and sobriety was never an option. But the problem is—I’d rather deal with the addiction to her than the suffocating realization that my mom is gone forever.

“How did you know?” she asks. The door shuts behind me. “Because it’s the same feeling I used to get with you.” Her lips part in shock. She runs her hands down her pajama pants with nerves. “Yeah?” I nod. I’m brave enough to take a few steps closer to her. She surprisingly lets me crowd her space. “I know there’s still so much fucking baggage between us, Goldie. And I know that I’ve been shitty to you since you showed up, but I really need you right now.”

As if she can read my mind, she closes the small space between us and wraps her arms around me. The moment she presses her cheek to my chest I feel like, for the first time since my mom died, I might be able to get through this. At least as long as she’s here. “Anything for you, Cade. Always,” she says against my chest. Her breath is hot against my bare skin. "Always?” She squeezes tighter, nodding her head. “Always,” she responds with conviction. I allow myself to believe her, even though deep down I don’t know if she means it. If she did, she wouldn’t have left. If she’d do anything for me—she would’ve stayed. She wouldn’t have listened to me when I stupidly pushed her away because I thought I was doing what was best for her.

Her eyes bounce to the bed a few feet away from us. “Like old times?” She doesn’t have to say much else for me to understand what she’s asking. There were so many nights throughout the years she lived here that she’d crawl into bed with me. It was innocent. She needed comfort, and I didn’t have it in me to ever deny her. Even when I knew I should have. Mare holds eye contact with me as she backs up toward the bed. As soon as the backs of her thighs hit the mattress, she turns and crawls into the sheets. She yanks on the comforter, remembering that I hate having it tucked in at the end.

We’re both silent as we lie down and get comfortable. Mare tucks her hands underneath her cheeks, her eyes watching me carefully. I shift underneath the blankets, bringing my body slightly closer to hers. My heart beats wildly against my chest. I don’t know if it’s from the breakdown earlier or because I’m so close to her again. “Talk to me,” she whispers. Timidly, she reaches across both our pillows. Her hand rests outstretched in front of me. A silent invitation. I gladly take it, needing contact with her. My hand effortlessly wraps around hers. “I don’t even know what to say,” I confess. “The truth. Someone needs to know how you’re feeling, Cade. Let someone be there for you.” She pulls her hand from mine and tenderly brushes her thumb across my jaw. “Let me be there for you.”

When I opened the door to find him on the other side, he had a look of pure agony in his eyes. His whole body had shook as he’d walked into the room after me. It only stopped shaking after I took his hand in mine and tried to give him a physical reminder that he isn’t alone. “I can’t get it out of my head,” he admits hoarsely. He squeezes his eyes shut, like he’s trying to remove the memory of his mom from his mind. “All I can see when I close my eyes is…her. In a way that no child should have to remember their parent.”

“The only time I really ever slept was when I’d escape here to see you,” I confess. Even as a child, something about Cade’s presence made me feel safe. When he was next to me, the bad thoughts couldn’t follow me into my dreams. I could get some rest. But only when I was with him. “Take the pain away,” he pleads, his voice breaking. There’s no more anger in his face, it’s all pain.

“I don’t know how.” My voice shakes. My breath hitches when he reaches across the mattress and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “By just being you, Goldie. By just being here.” His knuckles brush my cheek softly. My eyes flutter closed. Why does one little brush of his knuckles against my skin blow every other touch by a man out of the water? “I’m here.” He cups my cheek, his fingers splaying across my neck. His thumb rests against my racing pulse. I wonder if he feels it. If he’s aware of the effect he has on me even all these years later. “For how long?” His question makes my stomach sink. It’s vulnerable. Something I know he hates being.

“For however long it takes.” “However long what takes?” I place my palm against his heart. It’s been years since I’ve felt his bare skin against mine. His muscles are hard against my touch. “However long it takes for this to heal.” He shakes his head, his hand coming to rest on top of mine. He applies pressure, pressing my hand deeper against his chest, right on top of his racing heart. “Oh Goldie, you’d be here forever. It was broken way before this happened. I don’t think it’ll ever heal.” I hate that for the briefest of moments, I wonder if being back here forever would really be so bad. Before I can get out a response, he grabs my hips and pulls my body flush against him. I breathe him in, my face pressed to his heart. His warmth envelops me immediately. My ear presses to his chest. I can hear his heartbeat. It thumps in a fast-paced rhythm that has me nuzzling deeper against his skin. His fingers slip into my hair. He begins to run them through the long strands, his fingertips tenderly massaging my scalp. It’s what he used to do when I’d find myself in his bed. I’d tell him he doesn’t have to do it, but his breathing has become lighter. He doesn’t suck in air like he’s about to choke anymore. If giving his hands something to do takes his mind off his pain, I’ll lie here all night and let him do it. The tension in the air between us changes. It gets thick and charged. When his fingertips brush over my neck, I try to hide the shiver that runs through my body. It’s a com...

His fingers untangle from my hair, taking my breath away as his fingertips flutter over the back of my neck. I hold still as Cade’s fingers travel down my back. They drift over the small amount of exposed skin between the waistband of my pajama pants and my shirt. He watches me intently, his eyes full of heat. They’re still sad, but the sadness seems different. It isn’t pure agonizing pain staring back at me. It’s something more captivating. He lets his fingers drift underneath my shirt. I sigh, reveling in feeling his skin against mine. He pushes the fabric up, exposing my midriff. His eyes rip from my gaze as he looks at the skin he just bared to him, longing in his eyes. “Goldie,” he breathes, his voice restrained.

“God, I’m so fucked up.” His voice shakes as he runs his nose down my cheek. “Why can’t I think of anything other than you right now?” I can’t give him a response. Something that feels so wrong shouldn’t feel so right. He’s right. He is fucked up. He’s clearly still dealing with the death of his mom. It isn’t a good idea for us to be doing this. But for the first time since he showed up at my door, I’m not afraid of him breaking down in front of me. And Cade Jennings has always been my weakness. If making this mistake even helps ease the pain for him for a few moments, then I can’t help but give him that. His hands squeeze the narrow of my hips. Leaning down, he buries his face in the crook of my neck, taking in a deep inhale. I cradle his face to mine, loving the feel of his weight on me. “Let me take the pain away, Cade.” My tone comes out more begging than I’d meant it to.

“I wish it was that simple.” I grab his hand and pull it over me so our intertwined hands rest against my middle. “Me too, Cade,” I answer sadly. He presses the softest kiss right below my ear. “This right here.” He completely molds his body to mine. “This takes the pain away—at least for tonight.” His thumb brushes over mine for a few minutes before it slows and stops all together. When his breathing evens out, I know that he’s finally fallen asleep. I’d do anything to help heal his heart. Even if it means breaking mine again in the process.

I point to the countless bowls of icing. “Pippa got mad at me for taste testing the icing. She’s worried she doesn’t have enough.” He laughs, fixing the hat on his head. He gives his sister a look. “You definitely have enough to go around.” He looks at the orange bowl I’d just dipped my finger in. “I want a taste.”

Mare - age 19

“Cade. Don’t even think about dipping your muddy finger into my icing.”

"I promise I won’t dip my finger in the icing,” he promises, doing a mock salute. “But Goldie didn’t make any promises.” His eyes go dark. Pippa’s curses go completely unnoticed as Cade takes me by surprise. He wraps his fingers around my wrist and guides my hand into the tub of icing. He forces me to scoop the icing onto my fingertip before he brings the icing to his mouth. My finger is enveloped in Cade’s warm mouth. His tongue runs along my skin as his cheeks hollow out. Our eyes stay locked together. This kitchen feels way too hot, despite the open windows letting in the cool, mountain breeze. I attempt to slip my finger out of his mouth, my skin now void of any leftover icing, but he stops me. His front teeth dig into my skin as he keeps me trapped in this moment with him. His tongue circles the finger before he lets me pull it out. I’m hot and bothered, hormones running rampant through me. He only fuels the burning desire I have for him when his face breaks out in a wide smile—something unusual for him. “The icing is delicious.” He winks at me and I think I fall in love with him all over again. If Pippa wasn’t in the room, I might do something stupid like kiss him. Pippa groans, tossing her piping bag to the counter. “Ew, Cade, stop looking at my best friend like that!”

“Tell me, Pip, how was I looking at Goldie?” Pippa begins to carefully place the cupcakes she’d iced in a white box. “Like you wanted to eat her or something. I don’t know. Don’t let it happen again.” Cade’s eyes find mine for a fraction of a second. He shrugs, acting nonchalant. “Had to have a taste for myself.” Using the same finger that’s covered in his saliva, I take another swipe of icing and pop it into my mouth. “And what’d you think?” I ask. His words are said to Pippa, but his eyes stay locked on me. “I think that’s your best batch yet, Pip.”

“I tried out a new recipe,” Pippa announces, wiping her hands on her neon pink apron, completely unaware of the moment happening between her brother and me. Which is probably for the best. She made her feelings clear on how Cade was looking at me. At least she saw it too. At least I know my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me.

Pippa bumps her hip against mine. “Mare,” she sing-songs, dragging my name out into two syllables instead of one. “Why aren’t you listening to me?” I plaster on a fake smile and look up from the bowl of icing. “Sorry. I spaced out for a moment. What’s up?” Pippa narrows her dark eyebrows at me. “Did you lie to me?”

“What do you mean?” Cade opens the fridge on the other side of the kitchen. I try not to stare too long as he pulls out a water bottle and eavesdrops on our conversation. “Were you up past midnight to celebrate your birthday? I would’ve hung out with you.” I chew on my lip as I avoid looking at Cade again. I’m a terrible friend. Pippa had offered to stay up and help celebrate my birthday the moment it turned midnight, but I’d told her I was tired. “No. I went to bed,” I lie. I’d gone out to the barn, hoping Cade would be there waiting for me like he had the years before. Both my seventeenth and eighteenth birthday we’d gone out to the clearing just the two of us. I’d blown out a stupid candle lighter and it’d felt like the best gift in the world. But we never told Pippa that. It was our secret. I liked having a secret with Cade, something that was just shared between him and me. Cade wasn’t there last night.

It broke my heart a little. But my heart only stayed broken for a moment. When I woke up to him waiting at my bedroom door hours later, an apologetic look on his face for missing it, I had to forgive him. He slept all night in my bed, the first time he’d ever been in mine instead of me being in his. We’ve never kissed, it’s always been very PG, but PG has never felt so right.

“Do you think you need a nap before leaving?” Pippa looks at the clock on the stove. We’ve still got about two hours before we need to head out.

Because my birthday wish is the same as it’s been since my sixteenth birthday. I want him. But this year, I’m going to take matters into my own hands. Tonight will be the night I kiss Cade Jennings.

Oh jeez!

“Pippa!” I scream, wiping mud from my helmet. I push down on the throttle of the ATV, racing after my best friend. Her squeal of laughter rings through the air as I try to close in on her. She cuts through another mud pit to avoid me, knowing I won’t follow her into it. She loves to get filthy in the mud when we go riding, I don’t mind it, but I won’t do it on purpose either. Cade’s friend, Brendan, pulls up next to me and we both come to a stop. He flips the visor up on his helmet. “Not going to follow her in?” The ATV rumbles between my thighs as I shake my head at him. “If she wants to get dirty, that’s her choice. I’d prefer to not spend the next hour soaked and muddy as we get to the campsite.” He laughs. His eyes focus on me a little too long, looking up and down my body. It feels good to be appreciated by him. It just feels better with Cade. “How about you and I veer off on our own trail?”

Mare - age 19

I stand up, stretching my legs out for a second. “Only if you can catch me,” I yell.

My T-shirt rides up in the wind as I navigate the terrain. It doesn’t take long for Brendan to pull up next to me. I like that he doesn’t try to pass me or pretend that he’s more familiar with this mountain than me. Brendan, Cade, and all their friends come out here sometimes, but I still know it better than any of them do. I like that Brendan’s not like other guys who have to be in control at all times; like Cade, who is a control freak. There’s no way his overprotective personality would’ve let me take the lead.

“You’re a wild one, Marigold Evans,” he says, hanging his helmet off the handlebar. “Yeah?” I counter. “And why’s that?” He tilts his head backward and his blond hair falls into his eyes. “Because I have guy friends who wouldn’t dare go through tight trees like that at the speed you did.” I shrug. “I didn’t even realize how fast I was going.” It probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to take it a little more easy to stay safe. “That’s why I called you wild.” He gets off his ATV and stops next to mine. His elbow rests on my handlebar. I love his body language. It feels good to have a clear picture of what he wants. I pull on the hair in my ponytail. “Normally Pippa is called the wild one.” His eyes flick to my lips. “Maybe she’s got some competition.” When he leans in a little closer, I wonder if he’s going to kiss me. If he wants to, will I let him? I’m not given the chance to make the decision. The sound of an engine racing toward us catches our attention. I narrow my eyes on Cade.

He jerks his handlebars to the side, narrowly missing crashing right into both Brendan and me. Mud sprays from his tires, coating both of us. “Cade!” I scream. “What the fuck, man,” Brendan says right after me, wiping mud from his cheeks. Cade angrily rips his helmet off. His chest heaves up and down as he stares daggers at me. It’s like Brendan isn’t even here. It’s just Cade and me. “Just what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he grits out.

Oooh hes jelly!!

“What am I doing?” I shriek. “What are you doing? You could’ve killed us!” He scoffs, ripping his eyes from mine to look at his friend. “What are you thinking breaking away from the group like that?” Brendan doesn’t seem fazed by his friend’s outburst. “I’m thinking that Mare is fully capable of handling things out here herself. I trusted her to know where she was going.” “Something could’ve happened,” Cade bites. Brendan looks at me, giving me a questioning look. He shrugs. “Something could happen whether we’re in the group or not. What’s your problem, Jennings?” “Right now, you,” Cade fires back.

I roll my eyes. “You’re overreacting. I’ve been out here alone with Pippa. Alone with you,” I say under my breath. If Brendan catches the added comment, he doesn’t say anything. “We’re fine. You can go now.” “Oh, I’ll be going. So will you.” “I’ve got her,” Brendan interjects. Cade gives him a scathing look. His jaw clenches so hard I wonder if it hurts his teeth. They have to be grinding against one another. “Like hell you do. I’d love to see you try and find your way to the campsite from here.” He hooks a thumb over his shoulder. “Go for it.”

“Stop being a dick,” I scold. “You know he doesn’t know where to go. But I do, so we’re fine.”

“We’ll all go,” he states. He holds eye contact with me for a few beats before he shoves his helmet back on, keeping his visor open so I can still see his eyes. “Let’s go.”

“Now,” Cade snaps. The tone of his voice has Brendan leaving my side and getting back on his ATV. I walk up to Cade’s ATV, leaning over it to bring my face close to his. “You had no right. We’ll talk about this later.” He laughs. It’s dark and twisted, the sound doing funny things to me. “He has no right being alone with you.” Rage courses through my body. “You don’t get to decide that.” Cade’s eyes darken. They flick to my lips for a moment before he looks over to Brendan waiting at the ATV. “You know what,” he says mockingly, “it kind of looks like I do.”

Definitely jelly!!

But I’ll make sure to say something about it later. He’s not getting off this easily. If he’s going to be a jealous asshole, then I’m going to give him even more of a reason to be.

Oh boy!!

He stopped ignoring me at least. He didn’t grace me with another word, but he did glare at me the entire night. Even when his on and off again girlfriend, Rhiannon, tried to get his attention, he’d barely looked at her. He’d barely looked at anything but me or the labels he kept tearing off his beer bottles. The only time he pretended that I existed was when I tried to spend alone time with Brendan. If I even looked in Brendan’s direction, Cade would find a way to stop it like a damn guard dog.

When another rustling sound comes from outside the tent, I figure people must still be up and having fun. At least someone on this little trip is having a good time for my birthday. The tent zipper moving and getting pulled open catches my attention. I sit up immediately, watching it warily. At first I panic thinking it’s a bear, or a serial killer, but when Cade’s face pops through the opening, I let out a sigh of relief. For a second. Then anger courses through my veins at what he pulled earlier. I open my mouth to tell him exactly how I feel, even with Pippa sleeping soundly right next to me. Before any sound comes out, he puts a finger to his lips. “Come here,” he mouths. I narrow my eyes at him. My mouthed “no” in response is clear as day. “Goldie,” he responds silently. I shake my head at him.

His eyes soften. “Please,” he mouths.

“What do you want?” I whisper, stepping away from the group of tents so no one hears us. Cade fixes a backpack on his back. What does he need that for? “To celebrate your birthday.” “You already had that chance.” He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. A small worry line forms on his forehead. “I’m asking for another.” I let out a resigned sigh. “I’m tired of this, Cade.” “Tired of what?”

Once I feel like we’re far enough away from everyone, I spin to speak with him. “I’m tired of this back and forth with us. I’m tired of guessing how you feel. Really, I’m just tired of you.” Cade’s lip twitches, which only annoys me further. “I’m done,” I say exhausted, already turning my body toward the tent.

A strong hand grabs me by the wrist. “Goldie, wait.” Cade pulls, spinning me so I’m looking at him once again.

“I’m tired of that nickname, too,” I point out. If he ever stopped calling me that, I think my heart would break, but he doesn’t have to know that.

“I’m tired, too,” he confesses. He looks up at me, and I forget every shitty thing he’s done when I see the vulnerability in his eyes. “What do you have to be tired about?”

“I’m tired of fighting myself over how much I think about you. I’m tired of telling myself that I shouldn’t look at my little sister’s best friend the way I look at you. I’m really just tired of pretending that my entire head isn’t full of you and only you.”

Eeeeppppp!!!!

“I’m tired of pretending that my day doesn’t begin and end with thoughts of you,” he admits, his chest heaving up and down. His fingers caress against mine as he watches me closely. “Cade.” My voice shakes as I try to figure out if I’m hearing him correctly. He reaches out and grabs me by the waist, pulling me against his warm body. “I know I haven’t acted like it. Truthfully, I’ve tried fighting it for as long as I can. There are so many reasons I shouldn’t be saying this, beginning with Pippa and ending with the fact you’re leaving in a few months, but I don’t care anymore.” His hands move from my waist to cup my face. His callouses scratch my cheeks. It’s the best feeling in the world. “Forgive me for not being able to fight it any longer.” I want to make a career out of putting words to paper. I’ve always been one to find the right words, but right now—I can’t think of anything to say back to him. So I do what I’ve been dreaming about for years. Standing on my tiptoes, I press my lips against his.

Woohoo!!

I may be the one to start the kiss, but Cade takes control immediately. His fingers weave through my hair as he tilts my head, giving his tongue access to slip between my lips. He tastes like the peppermints he’s always stealing from the stable. I’ve waited so long to kiss him like this that it almost feels like it really isn’t happening. It feels too perfect—too right—for this to be real life.

Cade’s fingers wrap around my wrist as he pulls my hand toward him, pressing it to his sharp cheekbones. “If I’m being honest, Goldie, I’ve always loved the beautiful words you write, but I might like how your body speaks to me even more.” The mountain breeze tickles my cheek as I shyly smile up at him. “What’s it saying?” He quickly presses another kiss to my lips, taking me by surprise. I like the hastiness of it. I’m comforted by the idea that he’s as desperate to taste me as I am him. “It’s saying that you’ve been thinking about that kiss just as much as I have.” His knuckles brush against my arm right before he joins our hands together. He tugs on our linked hands, pulling me down a narrow path. “I’ve probably thought about it more.”

Cade looks over at me, the moon reflecting in his eyes. “I don’t think so. It seems like more and more recently, my mind is full of nothing but thoughts of you.”

I’m about to ask him where he’s leading us to when there’s a break in the trees. He pulls us through it and I’m met with one of the most stunning views I’ve ever seen. My feet stop, my body too stunned by the sheer beauty of the scene in front of me. “Oh my god,” I whisper, taken aback by what I see. Cade comes to a stop next to me, his shoulder brushing against mine. “I know it’s not our typical birthday spot for you, but I was hoping this scene might make up for it.” From our spot on the mountain, you can see down to a stunning valley, a body of water tucked in between the trees below us. The moon reflects off the water in a way so stunning that it takes my breath away. If you look far enough into the distance, you can see another looming mountain where the highest peak still has snow at the top. “Is it Mare approved?” he asks.