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‘And you, my Sassenach? What were you born for? To be Lady of Lallybroch, or to sleep in the fields like a gypsy? To be a healer, or a don’s wife or an outlaw’s lady?’ ‘I was born for you,’ I said simply, and held out my arms to him.
‘I can bear pain, myself,’ he said softly, ‘but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have.’
You know that I burn for ye, Claire. And it’s true – I’ve wanted ye since the night of the Gathering, when I kissed your sweet lips.’ He had two fingers resting lightly on my shoulder, inching towards my neck. ‘If I’d been a free man when Randall threatened ye, I’d ha’ wed ye myself on the spot, and sent the man to the Devil for ye.’
‘Who knows?’ he said again, very softly. ‘If I were to plough that pretty brown-haired furrow and seed it deep each day …’
Eww Dougal, no thanks
‘He will let you go because he thinks you are helpless. I know you are not.’ Releasing me, he said in English, ‘I love you. Go now.’
Jamie would talk to someone, sooner or later. There was time. But I hoped it wouldn’t be me.
EXCUSE ME?! You are his wife! If anyone, he should talk to you, and you should be glad to listen. Smh
‘I want to hold you hard to me and kiss you, and never let you go. I want to take you to my bed and use you like a whore, till I forget that I exist. And I want to put my head in your lap and weep like a child.’
‘Never worry, the six inches that are left are all between my legs.’ I appreciated the effort it took to make the joke, feeble as it was. I slapped his mouth lightly. ‘You’re drunk, James Fraser,’ I said. I paused a moment. ‘Six, eh?’ ‘Aye, well. Maybe seven, then.
‘He wanted me to crawl and beg, and by Christ, I did so. I told ye once, Sassenach, ye can break anyone if you’re willing to hurt them enough. Well, he was willing. He made me crawl, and he made me beg; he made me do worse things than that, and before the end he made me want verra badly to be dead.’
I think it’s as though everyone has a small place inside themselves, maybe, a private bit that they keep to themselves. It’s like a little fortress, where the most private part of you lives – maybe it’s your soul, maybe just that bit that makes you yourself and not anyone else.’
‘You don’t show that bit of yourself to anyone, usually, unless sometimes to someone that ye love greatly.’
‘Now, it’s like … like my own fortress has been blown up with gunpowder – there’s nothing left of it but ashes and a smoking rooftree, and the little naked thing that lived there once is out in the open, squeaking and whimpering in fear, tryin’ to hide itself under a blade of grass or a bit o’ leaf, but … but not … makin’ m-much of a job of it.’
I hate this :(
‘It’s a very simple idea. You recall the Bible, and the story of Gethsemane, where our Lord waited out the hours before his trial and crucifixion, and his friends, who should have borne him company, all fell fast asleep?’ ‘Oh,’ I said, understanding all at once. ‘And he said, “Can you not watch with me one hour?” So that’s what you’re doing – watching with him for that hour – to make up for it.’
Not me getting excited at the Sleep Token crossover
‘As though, knowing that everything is possible, suddenly nothing is necessary.’
It was in a way a comforting idea; if there were all the time in the world, then the happenings of a given moment became less important.
I had loved Frank; I still did. And I loved Jamie, more than my own life. But bound in the limits of time and flesh, I could not keep them both.
For where all love is, the speaking is unnecessary. It is all. It is undying. And it is enough.
‘He did not just hurt me, or use me. He made love to me, Claire. He hurt me – hurt me badly – while he did it, but it was an act of love to him. And he made me answer him – damn his soul! He made me rouse to him!’
I lie here feeling that I will die without your touch, but when you touch me I feel as though I will vomit with shame and loathing of myself. I canna even see you now without …’
‘I will love you as long as I live, but I cannot be your husband any longer. And I will not be less to you.’ His face began to break apart. ‘Claire, I want you so badly that my bones shake in my body, but God help me, I am afraid to touch you!’
I have found a ransom. His flesh shall be fresher than a child’s: he shall return to the days of his youth.’ And what was the ransom, then, that would buy a man’s soul, and deliver my darling from the power of the dog?
‘Jamie, love,’ I said, whispering through a bruised throat, ‘come then, come lay your head, man.’ The mask trembled then and broke, and I held the big body hard against me, the two of us shaking with the force of his sobbing.
‘Ye know the fortress I told ye of, the one inside me?’ ‘I remember.’ He smiled without opening his eyes, and reached out a hand for me. ‘Well, I’ve a lean-to built, at least. And a roof to keep out the rain.’
My heart has been yours since first I saw ye, and you’ve held my soul and body between your two hands here, and kept them safe.
‘Not yet. We’ve time. And I mean to hear ye groan like that again. And to moan and sob, even though you dinna wish to, for ye canna help it. I mean to make you sigh as though your heart would break, and scream with the wanting, and at last to cry out in my arms, and I shall know that I’ve served ye well.’
