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It turns out I don’t mind tequila so much when I taste it on her.
I stare at the balloon and frown. A faded red heart, deflated and stuck, string wrapped around and around.
Off to the next adventure, the next exciting thing. I’m a stopping point. I’m barely a stopping point. One she never even wanted to have.
But that’s the thing about happiness, I guess. You can show whatever you want to the world and not feel a lick of it inside yourself.
“It’s okay if it takes you some time to find it again. And it’s okay if you find it, just to lose a bit of it here and there. That’s the beauty of it, yeah? It comes and goes. Not every day is a happy one, and it shouldn’t be. It’s in the trying, I think.”
“You can’t make yourself be happy. But you can be open to it. You can trust yourself enough to feel it when you stumble on it.”
Poor Brian Hargraves never saw Nessa coming. One second, he was lobbing kernels of corn at the back of my head as I walked toward the bus and the next, Nessa had speared him to the ground like she was an MMA fighter.
“I see how it is. Put the woman and the minor to work while you kick back. I see you, boss man.” He splits his fingers and points at his eyes and then mine. This fucking kid.
She is happy laughter and easy smiles. Genuine interest and affection that leaves you feeling like you’re floating with the clouds. That’s the magic of Evelyn, I guess. She shines so bright she casts everyone around her in that same glow.
“I chose that bar because it was the least crowded place on the street.” Then I saw Evelyn and I didn’t want to go anywhere else. “Plus, everything gets quiet when I look at you.”
“It’s okay to want different things,” she says. “People change. You’re allowed to change. Doing less doesn’t make you less.”
“Who did he promise? You or Nova?” “Me.” She smiles. “Then he’ll be there.”
“Not fair!” Someone shouts from the back. “The Porter family has generations of agricultural knowledge on their team!” Nessa shoots up from her seat next to Nova. “No one questioned you last month about how you know so much about the Spice Girls, Sam. Sit down.”
All this time he’s been wanting me, I’ve been wanting him too.
“You haven’t even seen the best part yet.” “I’ve already seen your dick, Beckett.” He barks out a surprised laugh, shaking his head.
Did you find your happy today? Yes, I would tell him. I found it right here. With you. Like this.
Evie is too big to be contained by a place like Lovelight. Far too bright to be tucked away on a small-town farm. I won’t have her lose her shine because—because I can’t stand to see her go.
“Mm-hmm. He once did the whole soundtrack to Grease for a week straight on a loop. He said it was my punishment for having an opinion.” “What was your opinion?” “That he shouldn’t fuckin’ sing.”
And Beckett . . . When have you ever given up on anything? You built tiny tents over saplings to protect them from the rain last winter. You monitored soil saturation levels in the middle of a hurricane. You showed up for Stella when she first had the idea for this place.” His voice cracks at the edges. “You walked away from a secure job with good pay to help her get on her feet here, with no guarantee. You adopted a duck—” “I didn’t adopt the duck.” “You adopted a duck you found in the barn. Four cats too. You smuggle in cookies because you’re afraid of hurting Layla’s feelings. And I know
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“I told you to stop being an idiot,” I say reluctantly. “Tell her how you feel.” Luka raises both eyebrows. “Stop being an idiot,” he tells me. A smile twists his mouth to the side. “Tell her how you feel.”
“If you think love means having to sacrifice bits of yourself to make someone else happy,” he explains. “If you’re afraid to ask after what you want. Maybe I did something wrong.”
“Sometimes love is greedy, kiddo.” My dad sets his mouth in a firm line. “Sometimes it’s a little bit selfish too. You think it’s never crossed my mind that your mom deserves something better than the life we carved out for ourselves here? It has. A million times. A million and one. But I’m holding on to her with both hands. I’m trusting her to make her own choices. To choose me.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t say this next part.” He gives the camera a grin, knuckles against his jaw. “I want you to stay with me. You can leave when you have to. So long as you come back when you’re done.”
“It was poetic. Just—” He makes some sort of gesture with his hand that I cannot interpret. His finger and thumb pinched together and . . . I have no idea. I don’t want to know, frankly. “Who knew you were so eloquent under all that grunting?”
He found his happy in me. Like I found mine in him. In us. In this.