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“You were just a kid,” I manage around a throat that’s too tight. A pressure burning behind my eyes. I think about that little boy in a space suit looking up at the stars. “You had a dream.” “Found a new one,” he answers, smile kicking up the corners of his mouth. He leans back in his chair and tilts his face to the night sky, the stars beginning to wake. “And I got to keep the stars with me.”
I reach for the comforter and wrap it around her front, hesitating for half a second before grabbing my sweatshirt and pulling it off. I tug at my T-shirt too, leaving my chest and torso bare. Evelyn looks at me, dark eyes heavy and exhausted. “That’s n-n-nice,” she murmurs around another ferocious tremble, her chin and the curve of her lips barely visible above her blanket cocoon.
“Did you find your happy today?” I ground my teeth and shook my head. A quick jerk. “No.” He had hummed once, head tilting to look out over the fields. “You want a hug?” And that had been its own sort of magic, hadn’t it? He hadn’t tried to fix it. Just . . . asked if he could hold me through it.
“I’d like to start with the tattoo along his collarbone and work my way down.” I laugh. “No.” “I took a quick screenshot, but he moved. It’s kind of blurry.” “You . . . what?” “I’m gonna frame it and put it on my wall.” “No, you’re not.” “Does he have flowers on one arm and stars on the other? Because that’s pretty devastating.”
“I’m starting to think I made a mistake, then,” my dad says quietly, his entire face lined with regret. He blinks quickly and clears his throat, never looking anywhere but right at me. “When I taught you how to love.” Something in my chest fractures. Worse than when Evelyn walked out my greenhouse door. “What?” “If you think love means having to sacrifice bits of yourself to make someone else happy,” he explains. “If you’re afraid to ask after what you want. Maybe I did something wrong.”