Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward

by Henry Cloud

“Some managers are able to let go of the past better than others. Those that have the greatest difficulty abandoning things are often those unable to face reality.

the way we were doing it could not bring about the future reality that we wanted. We had to change.

getting hopeless about what is not going to work.

to get where you want to get, you must make a change.

Hope buys time, and spends it.

In a false reality, hope is the worst quality you can have!

What reason, other than the fact that I want this to work, do I have for believing that tomorrow is going to be different from today?

bottom line is this: We wrongly put our hope in some promise, belief, or wish that the person expresses, but ignore the clear reality of who they actually are.

If a nonperformer in business commits to a change process of some sort, such as coaching or other verifiable, proven processes, that is a rational reason to suspend hopelessness.

Additional Structure By and large, people do not change without new structure. The change process must not be left up to the person’s own schedule and internal controls. The process must include a structured path, i.e., set-in-stone times and practices that do not depend on the person’s own whims, regular meetings with a coach, mentor, support group, trainer, or seminar.

Change must be structured for many reasons, but one is the way the brain works. Old patterns get reinforced unless a new discipline is introduced to override the old patterns. People who have never exercised on their own because of a lack of self-discipline cannot be trusted to all of a sudden begin to get in shape because the doctor says they need to. They usually need the structure of regular times with a trainer or a class in order to make the program sustainable. New brain patterns must be developed from outside structure.

To have hope that people are truly going to change, you must have an admission from them that they really need to change. They must see that they have a problem and own the problem.

they must see that they have a need for help and that they cannot trust their own efforts to make anything different.

What you want to hear from someone is not only “I have a problem and need to change,” but also “I need help and am looking for it.” Taken

Where is the energy going to come from to change things?

Who is going to drive the change?

Without a dedicated change agent, change usually does not happen.

One of my favorite proverbs in this one: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” (Proverbs 13:12, New International Version Bible). There are few sicknesses of the heart like hope deferred. Companies and individuals get sick and stall out when they keep hoping for something that just never happens.

Some people are actually out to do you harm.