Sunburn

by Chloe Michelle Howarth

There is evil in my yearning, I know, I just can’t see where yet.

It’s hard to feel such heavy things like this while pretending that I don’t feel anything at all.

There is no need for me to come out. She and I are just two people who understand each other.

I’ll make it worth it. I’ll marry you if you get past all the shame of being with me. Susannah x

‘You’re the only calm thing in my life.’

She takes off her jumper, and drops it on my dresser, knocking over my statuette of the Virgin Mary. In the dresser, there are two sets of rosary beads, a Brigid’s cross, and an iron pendant on a chain. And then there is her, more worthy of worship,

‘Oh, Lucifer.’ And with those words, I am prepared to receive the Lord.

‘God, I don’t know. Early in January.’ I breathe deeply, twice. I’m lost for words. ‘I think Martin is looking for the phone, Mam. I’ll ring you after.’ I hear her trying to stop me, to catch me before I fall back into who I used to be, but I have already fallen.