Mixed Signals (Lovelight, #3)

by B.K. Borison

“Why are you giving these guys your time? Why are you settling for crumbs when you deserve the whole damn cake?”

I guess I’m doing something right if I can make her smile like that. Some of the anxiety strumming in my chest fades.

“Layla.” I’ve never heard anyone say my name like that. Like they don’t want to say anything else ever again.

She looks like a little firecracker over there, lit up and ready to shoot into the sky.

You keep showing me pieces of yourself that I want to collect like seashells. I can’t stop thinking about kissing you, and I have no idea how you’d feel about blurring those lines. I don’t want to scare you. I don’t want to get myself in too deep.

It’s a perfect summer drive. I just wish Caleb would kiss me.

“You deserve good things, sweetheart.” He swallows hard, eyes searching mine. “Why can’t you see yourself? Why can’t you see how incredible you are?” “Because,” I say, my voice cracking at the edges. “Because no one else has bothered to.”

I see you, Layla Dupree.” He says it so firmly, so resolute, that I can’t help but believe him. “Clear as day. I always have.”

How long have I been looking somewhere else when Caleb’s been looking right at me?

“Maybe the reason you haven’t figured out how to fit your pieces with someone else is because you haven’t found the right puzzle.”

I don’t think I’ve ever been kissed with a smile before. I’m convinced I can taste it on his lips with the rainwater pouring down over us both—traces of strawberries and cream.

Caleb’s kiss is the best sort of indulgence. He’s slow. Contemplative. He kisses me with all of the self-restraint I accused him of having, but now it feels purposeful. It feels like I am being savored.

He kisses me until I can’t breathe. Until I can’t remember my own name. “Layla.” It’s a good thing he says it for me.

I wanted to give her a classic movie kiss, and instead Layla gave me an end-of-the-world kiss. A mountaintop kiss. A launched-into-space kiss.

“Because you deserve to have someone try.”

“Because I want to watch you come undone,” I tell her, my voice a rough scratch. I look up and make sure I’m holding her eyes. “Because I want to be the one to do it.”

We make conversation like we didn’t agree over a smashed tomato on the floor to make our relationship a physical one.

The only dessert I’m interested in having tonight is Layla, in any variation she’s willing to serve up.

A huff of a laugh travels from her mouth into mine. That tastes sweet too. Like champagne bubbles and the best goddamn buttercream icing I’ve ever had in my life.

We sit there on my blue couch and listen to the sounds of my house settling around us. The creak of hardwood and the crickets calling to one another through the open window above the sink. I don’t think I’ve ever been so still with someone before. So content to just be.

I’m standing on a ledge here, hoping— I don’t know what I’m hoping for. I guess I’m just hoping.

I want to unravel him bit by bit. Test that meticulous control of his.

“You never need to say please to me. But fuck, I love it when you do.”

“If I’m going to fuck you, Layla,” the words grind out of him, rough and tight, “it won’t be because of any lessons or arrangements. It’ll be because you want me and I want you.”

I want to take all of her fears and crumple them in a ball. Launch it into space. Set it on fire. I want to punch every piece of shit who ever treated her like garbage to begin with. Launch them into space too.

Falling in love. Slowly and carefully and then all at once.

“I told you that you deserve good things,” he says quietly. “And I think I could be one of those good things for you. I’m pretty sure of it, actually. You deserve to have someone try and you deserve to have someone care.

miss him so much—and isn’t that terrifying in all of its breathtaking agony? To miss the person standing right in front of you.

“I know I can be too much, but I think I’m just enough for you.

It can be hard to be brave when you feel like the next disappointment will break you to pieces.”

It’s easier to have a stupid man disappoint you than a good man break your heart.”

“Don’t underestimate how long I’ll wait for you.”

I feel like I’ve always been moving toward her.

It turns out the thing I wanted most is pretty scary when it comes down to it.