His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage

by Willard F. Harley Jr.

most women, affection and intimate conversation, and the top two emotional needs of most men, sexual fulfillment and recreational companionship. It should not be surprising that women define a romantic experience differently than men. For most women, a romantic evening meets her emotional needs for affection and intimate conversation—an evening of dinner, dancing, and a walk in the moonlight filled with expressions of love and stimulating conversation. Men, on the other hand, find romance in sexual fulfillment and recreational companionship—watching football on TV with sex during halftime! Neither perspective on romance works very well for the opposite sex. So prior to marriage, most men and women combine all four needs into a romantic experience. That way, the needs of both men and women are met. But after marriage, spouses get lazy and want to take shortcuts. Women find time for affection and intimate conversation but are too busy or too tired for sexual fulfillment or recreational companionship. On the other hand, men can drop almost anything for sexual fulfillment and recreational companionship but can’t fit affection or intimate conversation into their busy schedules. Don’t make this mistake in your marriage. You both have intimate emotional needs that should be met by each other. But they’re different, and you will be tempted to overlook your spouse’s needs. By meeting all four of these needs in a single date, you will have an experience that both of you will conside...