Adverbs

by Daniel Handler

There are stories about people who have loved someone forever after laying eyes on them for a few minutes and then nevermore, but these stories have not happened to anyone we know. No, when you love someone you spend hours and hours with them, and even the mightiest forces in the netherworld could not say whether the hours you spend increase your love or if you simply spend more hours with someone as your love increases.

the world is full of people you don’t know and might as well be nice to because they won’t leave.

He thought she knew what he meant, but the biggest mistake you can make is thinking they know what you mean.

All over the world are particular people, and you could be happy with probably five or six of them, eight if you’re bisexual and everyone is.

They say love’s like a bus, and if you wait long enough another one will come along, but not in this place where the buses are slow and most of the cute ones are gay.