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do. This creates a dangerous illusion that one of them is sicker than the other.
frequently tell couples that if you have one obviously wounded person in a relationship, you always have two. No exception.
Passion. •Integrity. •Happiness.
Intelligence. •Sexual assertiveness. •Financial responsibility. •Commitment to personal growth.
Doing something different also means refraining from being sexual in new relationships.
Nice Guys must give themselves a chance to accurately evaluate
the traits listed above by staying out of bed with a person until they really get to know her. Once the sex begins in relationships, the learning stops. Sex creates such a powerful bond that it is difficult to accu...
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Nice Guys may often be aware of v...
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or behaviors they find unacceptable in a new partner, but if they are already having sex, it is difficult to address these issues and...
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again:All Nice Guys have shame and fear about being sexual and about being sexual beings.
Self-respect, courage, and integrity look good on a man.
Fear Prevents Nice Guys From Getting the Life They Want If I were to identify one common factor at the core of every problem experienced by Nice Guys, it would be fear.
Nice Guys are typically afraid that if they are truly successful: •They will be found out to be frauds. •They won't be able to live up to people's expectations. •They will be criticized.
•They won't be able to handle the increased expectations. •They will lose control over their lives. •They will do something to mess up everything.
Nice Guys developed a distorted view of themselves. With a naive, immature logic
they came to the conclusion that if their needs were not important, neither were they. This is the basis of their toxic shame. At their core, all Nice Guys believe they are not important or good enough.
What's the difference? •A conscious decision to
face fears. •A conscious decision to not settle for mediocrity. •A conscious decision to make my own rules.
What are you waiting for? Let go of the need to do it perfectly and just do it!
Yet Phil always seemed to fall way short of achieving his lofty goals and dreams. A number
of things got in the way — taking shortcuts, procrastination, and insecurities about whether he deserved to get what he really wanted. Perhaps Phil's greatest roadblock was his difficulty asking people for help.
I told Phil that I thought his lack of sex was symptomatic of a bigger problem in his life — him not thinking his needs were important and not believing that other people wanted to help him meet his needs.
Every Nice Guy with whom I have worked
has at some point had to make a conscious decision to stop sabotaging himself. This is a crucial aspect in recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome.
Nice Guys becoming aware of why they unconsciously create so many barriers that keep them feeling stuck. A mortgage, a wife, a lack of a degree, debt, children — are all just excuses.
1If it frightens you, do it. 2Don't settle. Every time you settle, you get exactly
what you settled for. 3Put yourself first. 4No matter what happens, you will handle it. 5Whatever you do, do it 100%. 6If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got. 7You are the only person on this planet responsible for your needs, wants, and happiness. 8Ask for what you want. 9If what you are doing isn't working, try something different. 10Be clear and direct.
11Learn to say "no." 12Don't make excuses. 13If you are an adult, you are old enough to make your own rules. 14Let people help you. 15Be honest with yourself. 16Do not let anyone treat you badly. No one. Ever. 17Remove yourself from a bad situation instead of waiting for the situation to change. 18Don't tolerate th...
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Decide what feels right to you, then do it. 21Accept the consequences of your actions. 22Be good to yourself. 23Think "abundance." 24Face difficult situations and conflict head on. 25Don't do anything in secret. 26Do it now. 27Be willing to let go of what you have so you can get what you want. 2...
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to fail. There are no mistakes, only learning experiences. 30Control is an illusion....
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