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Kindle Notes & Highlights
He is the boss who tells one person what they want to hear, then reverses himself to please someone else.
Nice Guys are givers. Nice Guys frequently state that it makes them feel good to give to others. These men believe their generosity is a sign of how good they are and will make other people love and appreciate them.
Nice Guys believe they must hide their perceived flaws and mistakes. These men are afraid that others will get mad at them, shame them, or leave them if some mistake or shortcoming is exposed.
Nice Guys seek the "right" way to do things. Nice Guys believe there is a key to having a happy, problem-free life. They are convinced that if they can only figure out the
Nice Guys repress their feelings. Nice Guys tend to analyze rather than feel. They may see feelings as a waste of time and energy. They frequently try to keep their feelings on an even keel.
Nice Guys often try to be different from their fathers. Many Nice Guys report having unavailable, absent, passive, angry, philandering, or alcoholic fathers. It is not unusual for these men to make a decision at some point in their lives to try to be 180 degrees different from Dad.
Nice Guys have difficulty making their needs a priority. These men often feel that it is selfish to put their needs first. They believe it is a virtue to put others' needs ahead of their own.
Nice Guys often make their partner their emotional center. Many Nice Guys report that they are only happy if their partner is happy. Therefore they will often focus tremendous energy on their intimate relationships.
By giving these men the label Nice Guy, I'm not so much referring to their actual behavior, but to their core belief system about themselves and the world around them.
Nice Guys are dishonest.
Nice Guys are secretive.
Nice Guys are compartmentalized.
Nice Guys are manipulative.
Nice Guys are controlling.
Nice Guys give to get.
Nice Guys are passive-aggressive. Nice Guys tend to express their frustration and resentment in indirect, roundabout, and not so nice ways. This includes being unavailable, forgetting, being late, not following through, not being able to get an erection, climaxing too quickly, and repeating the same annoying behaviors even when they have promised to never do them again.
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Nice Guys are full of rage. Though Nice Guys frequently deny ever getting angry, a lifetime of frustration and resentment creates a pressure cooker of repressed rage deep inside these men.
Nice Guys are addictive.
Nice Guys have difficulty setting boundaries.
Nice Guys are frequently isolated.
Nice Guys are often attracted to people and situations that need fixing.
Nice Guys frequently have problems in intimate relationships.
Nice Guys are often terrible listeners because they are too busy trying to figure out how to defend themselves or fix the other person's problem. •Because of their fear of conflict, they are frequently dishonest and are rarely available to work all the way through a problem. •It is not unusual for Nice Guys to form relationships with partners whom they believe to be "projects" or "diamonds in the rough." When these projects don't polish up as expected, Nice Guys tend to blame their partner for standing in the way of their happiness.
Sigh
Nice Guys have issues with sexuality.
