develop survival mechanisms to help them do three very important things: ■Try to cope with the pain and terror caused by their abandonment experiences ■Try to prevent these abandonment experiences from occurring again ■Try to hide their toxic shame from themselves and others For Nice Guys, these survival mechanisms take the form of the following life paradigm: ■If I can hide my flaws and become what I think others want me to be, then I will be loved, get my needs met, and have a problem-free
