Very Good, Jeeves!

by P.G. Wodehouse

‘What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this? Do you realize that Mr Little’s domestic happiness is hanging in the scale?’ ‘There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter.’

I was in the sitting-room, sir.’ ‘Ah? I said, sucking down a spot of the mixture. ‘Doing this and that, no doubt?’ ‘Dusting your new vase, sir.’ My heart warmed to the fellow. If there’s one person I like, it’s the chap who is not too proud to admit it when he’s in the wrong. No actual statement to that effect had passed his lips, of course, but we Woosters can read between the lines. I could see that he was learning to love the vase. ‘How does it look?’ ‘Yes, sir.’ A bit cryptic, but I let it go.

No doubt there are a number of your friends and relations who look up to you and respect you greatly. But suppose one night they were to see you, in an advanced state of intoxication, dancing the Charleston in your underwear in the middle of Piccadilly Circus?’ ‘The contingency is remote, sir.’

Napoleon could have taken his correspondence course.