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“What has you spoiling for a fight, Pixie? Did another squirrel get stuck in the book return?” “You’re hilarious. So funny. I’m so glad we had this time together. Why don’t I open this second-story window and assist you out of it?” I offered, rubbing the wrist that had connected with my water bottle.
“As always, you’re infuriating, irresponsible, and immature.” His tone was flippant, as if I were barely worth the effort to insult. “And you’re a mercurial pain in my ass,” I pointed out, feeling the sting. “Always so charming. It’s such a mystery why you’re still single.” The man wielded sarcasm with the dexterity of a master manipulator. I had the urge to pat myself down and search for physical wounds. “You’re late for your next ritual sacrifice, Lucifer. You’d better be going.”
He smirked. “Thank you for reminding me why our relationship is what it is. Every once in a while, I manage to forget what you really are.” “Is that so? And just what do you think I am?” I asked. “Dangerous.” I flashed him a saccharine-sweet smile. “Do you think you can find your way out, or do you want me to help you down the stairs face-first?” “I think I can manage. Keep your things out of my life.” “Yeah? Well, keep your life out of my work,” I shot back, crossing the room and gesturing toward the open door.
“There’s nothing to worry about,” I insisted, both annoyed and oddly comforted that someone out there was worried for me. “Besides being a soulless cadaver hell-bent on bringing misery to all,” Sloane added. “Just you, Pixie. I only live to destroy your happiness,” I said.
Sloane scoffed and crossed her arms. “You’re not seriously saying you plan to electrocute your dinner guests.” “I’ll be honest. I don’t care about dinner or our friendship that much,” I said, pulling my car keys out of my pocket. Sloane put her hands on her hips in triumph. “Good riddance.” Knox snatched the keys from me. “I don’t think you’re hearing me. Naomi has decided you both can’t be invited to the same social shit. Which means she’ll schedule twice as much social shit to make sure both of you pains in the ass get the same amount of quality fucking time with us. And I don’t want more
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“I’m not doing this,” I told Knox. “I’m not forcing you. You know the choices and the consequences. But I meant what I said. It’s both of you or neither. And if I go back in there and have to tell my wife that you two couldn’t even agree to not be assholes for however long it takes to shove a bunch of tacos into your face, she’s gonna be upset, and that’ll make me fucking furious. I’ll have no choice but to make it my mission in life to destroy you both,” Knox threatened.
“What’s the matter, Lucifer? Afraid of a little pain or afraid you won’t be able to control yourself?” Sloane taunted with a challenge in her eyes. Swearing, I yanked my belt free and untucked my shirt. “For the record, these better be the best tacos I’ve ever had, because I’m not convinced this friendship is worth it.”
“There’s nothing heroic about shitting your pants, Rollins,” Sloane said under her breath. Her body went rigid again, and the taco she was holding exploded when it hit her plate. “Gah! Waylay, I wasn’t insulting him. I was giving him advice.” “It sounded like an insult to me. Besides, you swore, and that’s a dollar for the swear jar, which means Aunt Naomi gets to spend extra time in the stupid produce aisle.”
“Just because you can’t handle a ten has no bearing on my endurance. I’ll be fine.” “I am a woman. Two weeks ago, I had cramps so bad I had to lie down on the floor of the public restroom at the mechanic’s garage. And then I had to get back up and go do my job for eight hours. I was born to handle a ten.” “You two aren’t saying mean things, but your tones are getting kinda snippy,” Waylay warned. “Take me to a ten,” I ordered.
“Fine. Tens all around. I’ll show you how to handle it,” Sloane snapped. “I hate to point this out because I’m definitely having fun here, but I think you guys are losing sight of the reason Knox is letting me electrocute you.”
“Bite me,” she mouthed at me. “You’re not my type,” I mouthed back.
“Fine except for Lucian scowling at me like a—” Sloane grunted, her face contorting in pain. “Worth it,” she wheezed. “You’re such an idiot,” I told her. And then I was doubling over, my face hovering over my plate of tacos as an excruciating current of pain tore through me. “It’s in my kidneys.”
“Knox Morgan! Why is our daughter electrocuting our guests?” Naomi shrieked. My friend held up his hands. “Daze, there’s a perfectly logical explanation for this.” “Jesus,” Nash muttered. “I don’t know which one to arrest first.”
“Did level ten fry your brain?” Sloane asked, slipping out of my grip. “We’re calling a truce,” I announced. “That’s not how that works.” “I’m forty years old. I run a multimillion-dollar business. I own property. I pay taxes. I vote. I cook. I get the goddamn flu shot every year.” “Congratulations. Where can I send your gold star?”
“In the future, if you feel you can’t control yourself and the need to insult me is too overwhelming, we’ll deal with it privately,” I suggested, exhaling smoke toward the moon. “Me?” She turned and looked up at me. “You didn’t even make it through your first taco tonight before cracking like an egg.” “Yes, well. It’s over now.” I both loved and hated it when I had her undivided attention. I forced myself to look away from her. “From now on, to me you’ll just be the vaguely racist, misogynistic, hard of hearing uncle everyone avoids engaging with at Thanksgiving.” “And you are nothing more
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Her red lips curved wickedly as we shook. “I’d say it was nice knowing you, but we both know that’s a lie.”
“There are some things we never get over. Some things we hide from the light,”
You can’t go meet a stranger for a date. What if he’s a predator?” She fluffed her hair out of the neck of her cardigan. It made the generous curves of her breasts threaten to spill over the top of her shirt. Swarthy Massimo was going to take one look at her and do or say something stupid, and then I was going to have to ruin his fucking life. “It’s fine. People meet strangers on the internet all the time now, and hardly any of them end up murdered.”
She gripped my coat by the lapels. “Calm the fuck down, Lucifer. It’s in Lawlerville. Lina and Naomi are tracking my phone with a locater app. I sent them screenshots of his profile and our chat. I’m texting them a picture of him when I get there and proof-of-life messages every thirty minutes. If things go downhill, Stef is on deck to call me with a fake emergency forty-five minutes into the date, because I can handle pretty much anything for forty-five minutes, right? If things go really badly, I have pepper spray and a big, fat hardback in my bag. Is that good enough, Suit Daddy?”
“Girl, I don’t know what’s happening right now, but I’m a nurse and if you don’t go home with Tall, Dark, and Tight Crotch, I’m gonna check you for head trauma.” The man next to her nodded. “I’m her husband, and even I think Suit Guy is fucking hot.” “Noted,” I said.
“Jesus, big guy. I’m petite, not fragile. Get over it.” “Just because I want you out of my life doesn’t mean I want to hurt you.” I gripped his waist with my thighs and squeezed. “Either fuck me hard and fast or get out of my room so I can find someone who will. I don’t want to be treated like some glass figurine.” “You always think you can handle more than you can,” he said, removing his hand from my wrists and curling his fingers into the neckline of my dress. “And you always think I’m weaker than I am,” I hissed.
“This isn’t the beginning of something,” he warned. His tongue darted out and danced over the other puckered peak. I sucked in a breath. “Do you always talk your dates to death before you have sex?” “I’m simply making sure we’re on the same page.” “I can’t tell if you’re talking to me or my boobs, but frankly, we’re all in agreement. I could never date a smoker. This is just sex. Don’t make me regret choosing you tonight.”
“You’re smiling,” he said accusingly. “No, I’m not,” I snapped, forcing the corners of my mouth down. “The only thing I want your mouth doing tonight is opening to say my name.” “Really? That’s the only thing?” I smirked.
leaving me in just my underwear and stilettos. “Safe word,” he demanded as his hand covered mine on his dick. “You’re either severely overestimating your prowess or once again underestimating what I can handle.” “Give me your safe word, Pix.” He enunciated the sentence as if I were both aggravating and stupid. “If it’ll get you to move things along, fine. Library.” “Good girl,” he growled.
“Can we get this show on the road?” I demanded. If he so much as crooked his fingers, I was going to come all over him, and I preferred to do that on his monster penis. He glared down at me. “You’re so beautiful and so goddamn irritating at the same time.” “I get that a lot. Condoms are in my clutch,” I announced.
didn’t quite manage to smother my moan. “Christ. How much sex were you expecting to have?” he demanded, dangling a roll of foil-wrapped birth control over me. I shrugged. “There’s more in the nightstand. I guess I probably won’t need more than one since I ended up with you.”
Lucian pushed my hands away from his dick and rolled on a condom over what had to be a Guinness World Record penis. “You’d be a lot more attractive if you’d shut up.” “Your dick doesn’t seem to mind my mouth,” I pointed out. I was going for sheer bravado at this point. Because it had suddenly occurred to me I could ...
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“Look at me,” he commanded. I opened my eyes and tried to keep my expression neutral. “Why?” “Because I want to see your eyes when I take you.” Gulp. “Then hurry the hell up, because I’m about to fall asleep from boredom here.”
“Breathe, Sloane.” The command sounded pained. I sucked in a wheezy breath. “Christ. Baby, I need you to relax.” Lucian’s forehead met mine. “You don’t have all of it yet.”
“You just came on my cock.” I pried one eye open to peer into his unfairly handsome face. He looked smug, as to be expected. But there was something else there. Wonder? Awe? Possession? “I did not. You’re mistaken,” I panted. My throat hurt, which I found odd. Was I coming down with something? Had Lucian’s giant penis thrust so far into my body that I got a sore throat?
“You just screamed ‘Lucian, I’m coming’ loud enough that I’m probably going to have to call down to security to assure them everything is fine.” That explained the sore throat.
“This is the dumbest, hottest mistake I’ve ever made,” I moaned.
“Keep it zipped, Sir Fucks a Lot.
“Good God, man. Do you have to register that thing as a weapon? Ugh. Where’s my root beer? I’m dying. Valentine’s Day sex killed me. You can put it on my tombstone.” Sloane’s muffled voice came from beneath me.
“You drive me insane. I don’t want to be with you, but all you have to do is walk into a room and I can’t help myself. I didn’t want to talk to you. I didn’t want to hunt you down and force you to look at me just so I can get close enough to see the green smudge in your left eye. I sure as hell didn’t want to beg you to leave your date so you could come home with me tonight.”
“I’m fully aware of how good the sex was. It was everything else that was subpar. I’m not settling for being someone’s weekend fuck buddy anymore. And I’m sure as hell not allowing some overgrown man-child to cast me aside like I’m nothing because he can’t deal with feelings. I’m out of your league, Lucifer. This was your last freebie.”
