Caligula for President: Better American Living Through Tyranny

by Cintra Wilson

As individuals, they were as worthless as bolts. But organized and manipulated in bulk, they had the same potential as . . . big sacks of bolts. Collectively, they were a really big blunt object that I would be able to hit other nations with.

Complain about your crumbling infrastructure and overzealous Homeland Security all you like, but at least you have a system that theoretically provides both, which is a damn sight better for national morale than knowing you don’t, and that at any moment some Aramis-drenched Visigoth could climb in the window of your bedroom, unzip your torso like a garment bag and eat out your liver with a crab fork.