More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
unhappy people who tend to be most self-focused and are often socially withdrawn, brooding, and even antagonistic.
happiness is determined more by one’s state of mind than by external events.
we don’t need more money, we don’t need greater success or fame, we don’t need the perfect body or even the perfect mate—right now, at this very moment, we have a mind, which is all the basic equipment we need to achieve complete happiness.
“So, the first step in seeking happiness is learning.
Identify and cultivate positive mental states; identify and eliminate negative mental states.
“Achieving genuine happiness may require bringing about a transformation in your outlook, your way of thinking, and this is not a simple matter,”
first learn about the positive value of the practices, then build up determination, and then try to implement them.
“When I speak of discipline, I’m referring to self-discipline, not discipline that’s externally imposed on you by someone else.
it is scientifically incorrect to say that we have an inherited tendency to make war or act violently. That behavior is not genetically programmed into human nature.
The turning-toward happiness as a valid goal and the conscious decision to seek happiness in a systematic manner can profoundly change the rest of our lives.
But still we are working for that purely on the basis of hope.
For our life to be of value, I think we must develop basic good human qualities—warmth, kindness, compassion.
Then our life becomes meaningful and more peaceful—happier.”
“I think one factor is that I look at any human being from a more positive angle; I try to look for their positive aspects. This attitude immediately creates a feeling of affinity, a kind of connectedness.
“And it may partly be because on my part, there is less apprehension, less fear, that if I act in a certain way, maybe the person will lose respect or think that I am strange. So because that kind of fear and apprehension is normally absent, there is a kind of openness. I think it’s the main factor.”
“My basic belief is that you first need to realize the usefulness of compassion,” he said with a tone of conviction. “That’s the key factor. Once you accept the fact that compassion is not something childish or sentimental, once you realize that compassion is something really worthwhile, realize it’s deeper value, then you immediately develop an attraction towards it, a willingness to cultivate it.
“I think that in many cases people tend to expect the other person to respond to them in a positive way first, rather than taking the initiative themselves to create that possibility.
And approaching others with the thought of compassion in your mind is the best way to do this.”
The Dalai Lama’s strategy, however, seemed to bypass working on social skills or external behaviors, in favor of an approach that cut directly to the heart—realizing the value of compassion and then cultivating it.
personality. I sensed that he had spent a great deal of time thinking about the importance of compassion, carefully cultivating it, and using it to enrich and soften the ground of his everyday experience, making that soil fertile and receptive to positive interactions with others—a method that can, in fact, be used by anyone who suffers from loneliness.
practicing actions like kindness, generosity, tolerance, and so on and conscious restraint from negative actions like killing, stealing, and lying. That
“No. I never felt a lack of intimacy. Of course my father passed away many years ago, but I felt quite close to my mother, my teachers, my tutors, and others. And with many of these people I could share my deepest feelings, fears, and concerns.
people who have close friendships, people whom they can turn to for affirmation, empathy, and affection, are more likely to survive health challenges such as heart attacks and major surgery and are less likely to develop diseases such as cancer and respiratory infections.
After interviewing thousands of people, the various investigators all seem to have reached the same conclusion: close relationships do, in fact, promote health.
He felt that separation and interpersonal loss are at the very roots of the human experiences of fear, sadness, and sorrow.
The Dalai Lama’s model of intimacy is based on a willingness to open ourselves to many others, to family, friends, and even strangers, forming genuine and deep bonds based on our common humanity.
and also having them reflect on how they feel when someone is kind to them and so on.
“Now in looking at the various means of developing compassion, I think that empathy is an important factor. The ability to appreciate another’s suffering.
“I think that empathy is important not only as a means of enhancing compassion, but I think that generally speaking, when dealing with others on any level, if you’re having some difficulties, it’s extremely helpful to be able to try to put yourself in the other person’s place and see how you would react to the situation.
“Whenever I meet people I always approach them from the standpoint of the most basic things we have in common. We each have a physical structure, a mind, emotions. We are all born in the same way, and we all die. All of us want happiness and do not want to suffer.
So, when we are dealing with trying to understand relationship problems, the first stage in this process involves deliberately reflecting on the underlying nature and basis of that relationship.
‘no man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century
I think that if one is seeking to build a truly satisfying relationship, the best way of bringing this about is to get to know the deeper nature of the person and relate to her or him on that level, instead of merely on the basis of superficial characteristics
Unlike those relationships based on caring and genuine affection, this is another matter. It cannot be seen as a positive thing,” he said decisively. “It’s something that is based on fantasy, unattainable, and therefore may be a source of frustration. So, on that basis it cannot be seen as a positive thing.”
