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Grief was a selfish bitch who infected every emotion you possessed. It infiltrated each moment and memory, poisoning them with the knowledge that things will never be the same.
“What the hell, Dex. I don’t even get a good girl or some shit?” He stilled. “That’s not what you want, Nikki. You’re not looking to be a good girl.” He glanced over his shoulder as he yanked the door open. “I have a feeling you got tired of being called that a long time ago.”
STICK A FUCKING KNIFE IN ME. IM DONE
He was going to teach me how to drive? All I could do was stare after him, thinking about how no one had ever bothered to take the time to notice things about me the way he did, and I didn’t know what to do with that realization. So I said, “Fuck it,” got up, and got ready.
I was actually driving on a road. My cheeks began to ache with how hard I was smiling. “I’m doing it. I’m driving, Dex,” I practically shrieked. “Yeah, you are, babe,” he said. My breath caught on the term. Something about it just did it for me, like when he called me spitfire. He looked at me with such pride that my heart actually palpitated. He was legitimately excited for me, and not disappointed that I hadn’t figured out how to do this years ago.
Why couldn’t he have been like a fuckboy. I mean, he kind of was a fuckboy, but a sweet one who made me breakfast and watched me dance in the living room. One who brought me three different types of Gatorade since he didn’t know which was my favorite color. “Turn left up here—don’t forget your turn signal. I think we need milkshakes,” he said. One who fucking teaches you how to drive and then buys you a milkshake after pulling a gun on someone who called you a bitch. Romance wasn’t dead…but I wasn’t supposed to be looking for romance.
“Have you ever met someone, and you just knew their soul was worth loving? That you didn’t need to know anything more than what you saw before you? Nothing else would change how you were connected, because they'd already made a place in your heart?” she asked, her words coming out in a rush of emotion.
Don’t EVER just say “do you believe in love at first sight” to me again 😤
“Yeah, Niks, I do know what it’s like to fall for someone when you know nothing about them—yet somehow know all of the important parts.”
You’re just practicing getting used to each other’s touch for tonight. So it’s believable. Look at you, you overachiever. Even in my own damn head, I was a fucking liar.
“Ask me nicely,” she said with a smirk. Our breaths intermingled as she parroted my words. My brain malfunctioned. God damn. I might like a woman who followed directions, but I liked one who made me work for her obedience even more. So, I did what any man would do when a woman became so intoxicating and tempting that he wanted to keep her for his own… I sprayed her with the hose function of the sink faucet.
We needed space to let the lust die down so we could remember we were trying to be just friends. And friends don’t suck on each other’s tongues.
“Friends don’t fuck, Dex,” I whispered back, my voice sounding more like a moan. He pulled away, looking me dead in my eyes. “I’m not your fucking friend, Nikki.”
“Life isn’t worth living without you in it, spitfire. Fuck your past. All I need is your present and our future.”
“Nikki, I don’t know shit about being romantic or being a Prince Charming. But I will stick by your side and help slay all your demons. I’ll cheer you on and hold you when you crumble.” I captured another escaped tear. “I’ll let you fucking fly and be at the bottom to catch you if you happen to fall.”
Now I understood why Ryan and Scar did what they did. To be under the thumb of a man and then exact your revenge on them…it was a sense of satisfaction nothing else could match.
“You shot me,” I said, smiling against his lips. Ryan was going to kick his ass for that. “You were in the way, spitfire,” he teased,
“Forever and fucking always, Nikki Anya Kelley.” “With every last breath, Dex.”
