The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

by Brené Brown

How much we know and understand ourselves is critically important, but there is something that is even more essential to living a wholehearted life: loving ourselves.

The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are.

“Oh, my God. I feel different. I feel joyful and real. I’m still afraid, but I also feel really brave. Something has changed—I can feel it in my bones.”

I had rekindled my creative life, reconnected with my family and friends in a new way, and most important, felt truly comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life.

soul traveler’s companion of sorts.

made a promise to myself that when I felt emotionally, physically, and spiritually done, I’d try slowing down rather than relying on my old standbys: pushing through, soldiering on, and sucking it up.

Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.

Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others.

the connectedness we experience in our relationships impacts the way our brain develops and performs.

our technology-crazed world, we’ve confused being communicative with feeling connected.

When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.

we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.

“I don’t know if you can love someone and betray them or be cruel to them, but I do know that when you betray someone or behave in an unkind way toward them, you are not practicing love. And, for me, I don’t just want someone who says they love me; I want someone who practices that love for me every day.”

Who do you become when you’re backed into that shame corner?

How do you protect yourself?

What’s the most courageous thing you could do for yourself when you feel small and hurt?

being true to ourselves is the best gift we can give the people we love.

Courage is contagious.

“You have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.”3

shame is the birthplace of perfectionism.

an aspiring good-enoughist,

perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life-paralysis.2

I need to be different than I am right now to be worthy of love and belonging.”

If I believe that I’m worthy of love and respect now, I will invite courage, compassion, and connection into my life.

Powerlessness is dangerous.

Addiction can be described as chronically and compulsively numbing and taking the edge off of feelings.

We can anesthetize with a whole bunch of stuff, including alcohol, drugs, food, sex, relationships, money, work, caretaking, gambling, staying busy, affairs, chaos, shopping, planning, perfectionism, constant change, and the Internet.

when we numb the dark, we numb the light.

Without purpose, meaning, and perspective, it is easy to lose hope, numb our emotions, or become overwhelmed by our circumstances.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: “People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”

Sometimes we miss out on the bursts of joy because we’re too busy chasing down extraordinary moments.

I’m not going to allow myself to feel this joy because I know it won’t last.

The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.

“Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.”

When we charge headlong into big decisions, it may be because we don’t want to know the answers that will emerge from doing due diligence.

Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.

“The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty.”

Of course I know, professionally, that the more entrenched and reactive we are about an issue, the more we need to investigate our responses.

even took up photography. It might sound cliché, but the world doesn’t even look the same to me anymore. I see beauty and potential everywhere—in my front yard, at a junk store, in an old magazine—everywhere.

A critically important component of wholehearted living is play!

How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul.1

play shapes our brain, helps us foster empathy, helps us navigate complex social groups, and is at the core of creativity and innovation.

“The opposite of play is not work—the opposite of play is depression.”

I encourage you to sit down and make a list of the specific conditions that are in place when everything feels good in your life. Then check that list against your to-do list and your to-accomplish list. It might surprise you.

Some of us respond to anxiety by overfunctioning and others by underfunctioning.

if we don’t use the gifts that we’ve been given; we pay for it with our emotional and physical well-being.

everyone should read Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist3—I

Being “in control” isn’t always about the desire to manipulate situations, but often it’s about the need to manage perception.