More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
“See you tomorrow, ball boy,” Katey sings. “Even I know hockey doesn’t have balls.” “Yeah, but it sounds better than puck boy.
Note to parents everywhere: don’t judge your kid based on what you like.
I swear to God, if my little brother has been trapped into some sex trafficking ring, I’m going to go full Liam Neeson on their asses.
Asher starts for the showers and then turns back to me. “Hey, do you wanna be friends?” “What is this, grade school?” “Forget it.” “Asher.” I can’t help laughing at how ridiculous he is. “Yes. We can be friends.”
Wait, does that mean that Coach Dalton and Asher are raising those kids? That’s a lot to take on, and not having a support system would only make it harder. I think I’m starting to understand him more than I ever wanted to. He’s … lonely. Well, that, at least, I can help with. Asher Dalton just gained a new best friend. Whether he wants it or not.
I read and read and read, but all my brain is doing is going “Ooh, look, shiny things” and “I want to nap.” Then there’s the screaming in my head like “Why are you doing this to me? Please don’t make me think with the thinks. Braining is too hard.”
“What are you struggling with?” “All of it. Sometimes I wonder if my brain is an actual brain or if maybe it’s, like, an avocado.”
Beck watches me with what I think is concern etched across his face. “Come on, kids, join the hockey camp with the coach who locks kids in a room together.” “It’s fine,” I say. “I did this. You were just … there.” “Does that make me an accessory to kidnapping? Oh, shit, is this kidnapping?” “It’s … a training exercise. They have water in there. Dad’s private bathroom. It’ll be … fine.” I hope. Someone tries the handle from the inside, and I hear Asher curse. “Did you just parent trap us?”
He steps forward and pats my cheek. “Good boy.” “Wow. Could you be any more condescending?” “Yes, I can. Would the good boy like to go for some ice cream as a treat? I’m buying.” His hazel eyes shine up at me as he waves to Beck and grabs my hand to drag me through the locker room. “I’m not saying no, but so you know, you owe me so much more than fucking ice cream.” “I’ll even throw a cherry on top.” He winks, and I hate that it’s that easy to make my anger at him disappear.
“Like I said. Jocks aren’t my type.” “What about emotionally unavailable guys who treat people like shit? Because I’m that too. Don’t pigeonhole me, dude.”
“Shame. I’m really good at sex.” “Sure you are. Like you’re super good at communicating.” “I speak words good.”
“I’m premed. I told you I didn’t have much free time.” “Not even for your best friend?” he asks playfully. “Actually, I see Katey a fair bit.” “I was talking about me, buttmunch.” Fucking duh. “Since when are we best friends?” “Since you parent trapped me. Only best friends get away with that shit.”
“You do that a lot.” “What?” “Stare.” “Says the guy who was just checking me out.” “There’s a difference.” I meet his eyes. “You know why I’m staring.” “You want to know why I am?” “Obviously.” “You wear glasses.” My eyebrows crease with confusion. “You’re staring because I wear glasses? I can take them off, but then I can’t read shit.” “No, no.” He clears his throat, but his voice comes out rough. “Leave them on.” “Oh.” I smile and lean in closer. “You’re staring because you like them.” “And now you know what I look like when I’m checking you out.”
“Guys with the emotional range of a trash can really are hard to resist.”
Kole tries to shove me out of his way, and I want to pat him on his head and coo that he’s a big bad enforcer,
I want to look after you.” He screws up his face. “That’s … weird.” “Why?” “Because I can’t remember the last time someone wanted that.”
Even use my brain to think all the things with the smart stuff. So much brainage. Braining?
“Sorry about that,” Kole says to me. “You can go out with whoever you want.” As long as their name starts with A and ends in sher. Ugh, shut up, brain.
looking more awkward than I’ve ever seen him. “It was really cool of you to hang out. Just having someone here made it not seem so bad.” “Asher … is that … sincerity I hear?” He shoves me. “Don’t get used to it.” “Today will forever be marked as the day that Asher Dalton showed gratitude.”
Asher said himself no one wants to look out for him, but I do, and screw him if he thinks I’m not going to be there for him after something like that. Friends … Study partners … Fuck buddies … None of that matters. All that matters is that Asher knows he doesn’t have to be alone all the time.
Kole tries to pull back, but I hold tighter, gripping onto him so hard I fear I might be crushing him. He doesn’t fight it. He runs his hand down my back and whispers soothing words like “I’m not going anywhere” and “I got you.” I know we can’t stay like this forever, but fuck, I want to. Right here and now, there’s only Kole, me, and a whole mountain of baggage I can’t let anyone else see. If Kole wasn’t so … Kole, he wouldn’t see it either.
Being in his arms is the safest place I’ve felt in a really long time. As long as he keeps touching me, I think I’ll be okay.
He acts strong because he feels he needs to so your family can grieve and move on without falling apart. He’s trying to hold it together for all of you even if he’s broken up inside.”
I step forward and kiss the tip of his cold nose. “Thank you.” “For what?” “For coming after me when I probably don’t deserve it. The things I said …” “I know you didn’t mean them. Well, I thought you did at first, but then Dad told me how your parents died, and I put it together.” “I’m sorry.” I’ve never been more sorry in all my life. And that’s saying something because I’ve fucked up countless times. “I know that too,” Kole says softly. “How?” “Because you’re not this big tough no emotions guy. I’ve known that from the first night I met you and you were freaking out over your missing little
...more
“Hey, you’re back. I streamed the games. You—wait, why is your face all splotchy?” I pause and hesitate for a millisecond, but like earlier when I decided it was time to let it all go and bawled like a baby, I do it again. It’s not intentional, and I’d fully intended to get through telling West what needs to be said without them, but one look at him and nope. Only this time, I don’t try to hold the tears back. I cross the room and throw my arms around my stupid big brother. “I love you. You’re a great brother, and you’re doing a great job.”
“It gave me some perspective. Well, the near accident made me freak out, and then Kole gave me perspective. That, maybe, possibly, bottling everything up is not healthy? Because when you do that, you end up like this.” I wave my hand over my face. “And he pointed out how much you and I are alike, and well, I thought you might need to hear that you’re not alone and you aren’t screwing it all up.” I see the moment all the tension and stress leaves West’s stance. “Even if I still can’t tell the difference between the twins?” “Even then. Though if you want, I can shave an E and a B in the back of
...more
I’m so soft after seeing Asher and West hug that, yes, I’m in danger of tearing up too. They finally part, and Asher sniffs before swiping at his eyes. “Okay, I’m done with this shit.” “It suits you, little brother.” “Fuck off, West.” Aww, even the insult is missing his usual aggression.
“Is this because of all the emotional shit? Because I can totally go back to being an asshole. You’re a … twatwaffle.” I wince. Okay, maybe I can’t be an asshole to him.
Holy shit. Holy. Shit. “Is Mr. It’s Impossible to Fall For You Because You’re A Stupid Jock catching feelings?” I can’t stop the smile from taking over because the idea of that? My heart wants to damn explode. “No,” he whines. It’s way too emphatic and high-pitched to be the truth though. He clears his throat, looks me in the eye, and tries again. “No.” I sing. “I think you like me.” I add a little dance in there too. “You really like me.” “I don’t like you so much right now,” he mutters.
Buckle up, big guy. A date with Asher Dalton is like a date with—” “A pushy, insistent jerk whose head is so big it’s surprising he doesn’t fall over when he walks?” “I was going to go with something cliché like destiny, but yours might be closer to the truth.”
“Hmm, which McDonald’s do you think is more romantic? The one in Colchester or South Burlington?” Kole pauses and glares at me. “That was a joke. Geez. Calm down. Five Guys is much better. And you can say things like ‘Five Guys filled me up, and now I can’t even walk.’” Kole pats my shoulder. “You’re really selling me on this date thing. It’s going to be so hard for me to say I don’t want another one by the end of it.” Little does he know I’m messing with him. Prepare to be wooed, Kole Hogan. I’m bringing out the big guns.
We wander for a while, taking it all in and pointing out badly placed decorations. In particular, one that at a certain angle looks like— “Do you think Santa’s fucking that reindeer by choice?” Asher asks. “That’s what I was wondering. Either way, Mrs. Claus doesn’t look impressed.” “Maybe that’s her turned-on face.” “You know, I always wanted to visit the North Pole as a kid. Now, I’m having reservations.” Asher pulls me a bit closer. “Total sexfest up there, I swear.”
“Nope.” I pinch his cold nose. “No joking it off. This meant a lot.” “Shut up.” “You’re doing that vulnerable thing with me again.” “You’re gross.” “Admit it. You sort of like it.” “I like you.” He looks me straight in the eyes as he says it, and my heart gives this weird jitter. “And I’ll never say you make this shit easier because eww, emotion, but sometimes it’s maybe sort of cool the way I don’t have to think about who I should be when I’m around you.”
“Still, you’re way too young for this kind of responsibility. Even teen parents aren’t thrust into raising five kids at once.” “Unless somehow they get pregnant with quintuplets.” “Not my point.”
Asher is sweet and kind and hurting. He has big dreams about family even though he could easily resent that whole thought with all the siblings he has to look after. Sure, there are days I could strangle him, but deep down, Asher only wants to be loved.
Rhys, you can’t wear a shirt that says, ‘Fuck Christmas.’ Where did you even get that? Go change. This is my boss’s house. Everyone on their best behavior.”
I want to reach for him and wrap him in my arms or kiss his cheek in greeting, but I hold back. Christmas is not a day for dying.
No, we should. Maybe. How about at the very end. Like, after I leave, you can tell him. Give me a head start. I don’t really want my younger siblings to witness my murder. They’ve already been through enough. Think of the kids!”
I’m guessing Kole had something to do with you showing up home half-naked that day.” “What day?” Kole asks. “The day he was fleeing a hookup.” “Rhys,” I groan. “Please for the love of everything, shus—” “So you’re the one who broke the porch gutters.” The deep, authoritative voice almost makes me shit myself. Coach Hogan is back. Oh goodie.
Maybe I can still salvage this. Maybe I can— Emmett’s little voice comes from behind us. “Rhys, we’re supposed to be on best behavior for Asher’s boyfriend.”
I can’t help it. I burst out laughing. Asher’s looking at me like he’s asking what the fuck I’m doing, and Dad seems concerned for my sanity. But honestly, screw this. Me having a boyfriend shouldn’t stop time. I loop my arm around Asher’s waist and tug him to me before smacking a kiss against his cheek. “Dad, you’ve met my boyfriend, right?” “This is how my life ends,” Asher mutters, which only makes me laugh more.
find Emmett running up to me, a huge smile on his face. He holds up his bandaged hand. “I got three stitches. It was so cool. They sewed me together. Ben is going to be so jealous if I end up with a scar.” Nine-year-olds, I swear.
“Pretty sure that deserves dessert.” His eyes light up, and he yells across the waiting area to Asher, who’s finishing up with the nurse at the desk. “Kole’s getting me dessert! Let’s go!”
“Wait, did you guys think you were subtle?” “Well, yeah.” Don’t they realize how painful it’s been to keep our hands to ourselves? “Let’s review,” Rossi says, clearly amused. “Asher waits for you after every practice, you arrive together, you study together, you share a room at away games—where you really could try to be more quiet, by the way—West treats Kole like another brother, Coach can’t look at Asher without scowling, more so than usual, and if I have to hear the phrase Kole said one more time, my brain will start leaking out of my ears.”
“You forget I was friends with Foster, and Beck and Jacobs, and Cohen. I’ve given up assuming people are straight, and you two have been behaving just like those other idiots.”
“Look at you making friends and everything.” “Safeword. Safeword.” “Yeah, ‘safeword’ isn’t a safeword, and nothing is going to stop me from pointing out how much I love seeing you crawl out of your cocoon to become a beautiful social butterfly.” Knowing how much Asher likes to continue the act of keeping up his guard, there’s nothing more fun than pointing out how amazing he is in front of other people. I just, umm, overdo it sometimes. He sighs. “This is for the sucking cock comment, isn’t it?” “It’s cute you think I’ll let you off that lightly, my snooky wooky … ah, booky?” “Fuck no.” “I’m
...more
“We’re going to have to get used to that, aren’t we?” Simms asks. “Sure are. I have no plans to keep my hands off my boyfriend just to make other people comfortable.” “Eh,” Rossi says. “You guys can’t be worse than Beck and Jacobs.” “Sounds like a challenge to me,” I say.
“I’m surprised that went so well,” I say. “I’m not. You plus me equals perfection.” “I think I’m beginning to understand why you were failing math.” He tugs me to a stop, and where I’m expecting some smartass comeback, he just goes on smiling. “I mean it, you know.” Aww, he’s being soft Asher. “I know.” “Even in the hard moments, being with you is easy.”
“Either you’ve contracted some deadly disease that’s messing with your thoughts, or … you’re in love with me.” The smile slides from his face, and he cups my cheeks in the way that I love. “Definitely the second.” I suck in a breath, because with Asher, I really had no idea if he’d acknowledge it or not. “And I have bad news for you,” he continues. “I think it’s contagious.” A shiver runs down my spine. “Uh-oh, I think you’re right.” “Yikes. Have we caught the love?” “Gross.” “So gross. And so you know,” Asher says, “I blame you for this.” “I am pretty irresistible.”
with you, I don’t have the need to hide who I am. I don’t have to pretend to be strong. I don’t need to do stupid shit to prove I can’t be hurt. All of that excess anger I was keeping inside that would erupt in forms of self-destruction aren’t there when I’m with you, and it’s not because of anything you do or say. It’s because I’m my true self around you. No pretenses.”
