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The heavy weight spooning me shifts, and I close my eyes and mutter silently, “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.” Except there’s a gigantically big, huge, stupid problem with that. This is my home. It’s Ezra-fucking-Palaszczuk who needs to get out of my bed and this house before any of my little brothers and sisters see him in here with me. Or worse yet, if my older brother sees him.
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If it’s true that everyone has an angel side and a devil side, my angel side is telling me to apologize, but the darkness inside me won’t allow it. The words I’m sorry don’t fall from my mouth often. Or at all. I make my way upstairs and hear West and Ezra in the kitchen. “Are you kidding me?” West hisses. “My little brother?” I stay hidden around the corner where they can’t see me. “It was only sex,” Ezra says. “Who cares?”
Ahhhhhh ezra that is such a shitty thing to do YIKESSSSSS😬😬😬 I still love you but you REALLY fucked up with sleeping with two brothers 🫣
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I make it to Dad’s office and push inside without knocking. There are two others there already, and Dad introduces Assistant Coach Dalton and Beck, who I recognize as one of Dad’s players from last season.
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I clear my throat. “Thanks for the drink.” Move away, Asher. Move away before you do or say something Asher-like. “No problem.” I step away from him and head for the showers, realizing I still have the bottle of Gatorade in my hand and not my towel. Fucking hell. Kole’s still standing by my cubby when I march back in there and trade them out. He chuckles as I walk away again.
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Then I see Kole coming the other way down the hall of the hockey rink, and a smile finds my face for what feels like the first time all day. “Hey.” His eyes meet mine for a split second, and he gives me a nod, but he keeps walking.
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Kole’s head pops up from a table near the door as I enter, and … whoa. Kole’s wearing glasses. Black, square ones that frame his eyes, and all my blood flows south. If you’d asked me two seconds ago if I had a nerd kink, the answer would have been hell no, because someone like Foster’s boyfriend, Zach, would have come to mind. But this … tall, chiseled features, and glasses? I’ve found my new weakness.
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The words are there, I understand them fine, but it’s not sinking in. I don’t have a learning disability or anything like that, but it’s hard for me to retain information on things that I find mind-numbingly boring. I read and read and read, but all my brain is doing is going “Ooh, look, shiny things” and “I want to nap.” Then there’s the screaming in my head like “Why are you doing this to me? Please don’t make me think with the thinks. Braining is too hard.”
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“What are you working on?” he asks. “Digestion. Fun stuff.” “What are you struggling with?” “All of it. Sometimes I wonder if my brain is an actual brain or if maybe it’s, like, an avocado.”
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West always worries that I haven’t cried since their deaths. He thinks I haven’t mourned properly. But I don’t see the point in crying over something I can’t change. I’m more angry than sad. My ruined future isn’t even a blip on why I’m so pissed.
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I don’t understand why they had to die. Instead of making me sad, it makes me want to go to Heaven, if that place even exists, and punch God in the face. They didn’t deserve it, and the kids sure as fuck don’t deserve me and West to be their guardians.
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I remember the first time Dad mentioned him. Foster was only a freshman, and I was still in my ugly-duckling phase. I maybe, sort of, developed a crush, but Foster had no idea I even existed. It was around then I quit hockey and started to work out who I was beyond Coach’s kid.
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There’s more swearing, and Beck shakes his head. “This better work. Because if they kill each other, your dad will kill me, and then my boyfriend will dig me up and kill me again for leaving him.”
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“Are you always so …” “The most annoyingly arrogant fuckboy in a fifty-mile radius at any one time? Yes. I polish my crown daily. Next question.” “Why are you like that?” I look up at the roof and mutter, “I’m going to kick Kole’s ass.” I throw myself in the seat next to Simms. “Do you want the excuse of always having to live up to my NHL star brother or the poor orphan card? I can play either.” “I want the truth.”
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He steps forward and pats my cheek. “Good boy.” “Wow. Could you be any more condescending?” “Yes, I can. Would the good boy like to go for some ice cream as a treat? I’m buying.” His hazel eyes shine up at me as he waves to Beck and grabs my hand to drag me through the locker room. “I’m not saying no, but so you know, you owe me so much more than fucking ice cream.” “I’ll even throw a cherry on top.” He winks, and I hate that it’s that easy to make my anger at him disappear.
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“I’ll have a scoop of the rocky road,” Kole says. “And he’ll have …” He turns to me. “A chocolate brownie sundae with the works. Chocolate sauce, nuts, and two cherries.” Just because I’m not mad anymore, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to milk it. “You earned it.” Kole slaps my shoulder. “You used your big-boy words and not your fists. I’m so proud.”
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“You could do something … else.” He stares at me expectantly. “Something that we’d both enjoy.” I scoop another spoonful of ice cream into my mouth slowly. Kole catches on to what I’m doing. “Not gonna happen, big guy. You aren’t my type.” “Your staring would suggest otherwise.” “Oh, you’re hot, and I think we’ve already established I know it and you know it, but geez, all you hockey players can talk about is hockey, and I get enough of that at home.” “For what I had in mind, there wouldn’t be any talking at all.”
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And they’re all in suits. Hot men in suits are my weakness. Wait, hot men in general are my weakness.
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“We wouldn’t want to wreck our friendship though, would we?” We’re only inches away now. I can feel his warmth. Could reach out and touch him. “It would just be adding another way for us to be friendly.” With hockey-like reflexes, Asher’s arm curls around my back and crushes me to him. I let out a little unintentional squeak as he presses his hard cock against my thigh. Damn, he feels good. “This could be dangerous. You’re Coach’s son.” “No one has to know.”
“You have no idea how much I want to take you up on this. But … it’s not a good idea. I’m not good for you. I don’t want … feelings to get involved. That’s when things get messy.” I snort, because the idea of falling for Asher is actually ridiculous. “Guys with the emotional range of a trash can really are hard to resist.” “I’m a total catch.” He cups my jaw. “We’re basically playing with fire here.” “What if I promise not to fall in love with you? Then will you let me suck your dick?”
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He bites down on my bottom lip, nipping … teasing … Then suddenly, he backs up, and I’m not ready for it. I stumble forward, but his large hand on my shoulder steadies me before he pushes me to my knees. He shoves his sweats down his thighs. He’s hard, and there’s already a little dot of precum hovering on the tip of his cock. And of course Asher has a sexy cock. A bit bigger than average and thick. So thick it makes my mouth water as I anticipate wrapping my lips around it. I reach up to remove my glasses when Asher catches my hand. “Leave them.”
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I’m the type of guy who loves giving head. I could do it all day … or until my jaw aches, at least. The power dynamic of being in a submissive position while holding all the cards really does it for me. I could pull away, I could stop, or I could go all in if I wanted to, and he doesn’t get a say. All he can do is stand there at my mercy.
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“Don’t tease me, Kole.” His hand finds my hair and grips it painfully. “I want to fuck that pretty mouth.”
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“Not so fast.” “What’s wrong?” “Nothing. But you need to earn it.” “My mouth on your cock is a reward for you, not for me.” “Access to my body is a privilege. You’ll do well to remember that.” A sly look crosses his face, and damn it, he’s right.
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“Next question,” Kole says. “What does this do?” He moves his finger to where I labeled his liver. Remembering back to my unacceptable answer of “gets rid of all the toxic shit,” I try to recall the proper functions. “Produces and excretes bile. Stores vitamins, minerals, and …” I close my eyes. “Shit, that other word. Starts with a G.” “Gly …” “Glycogen!”
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“Fuck you’re hard,” I breathe against his ear. “Bet you’re so close, aren’t you? Bet you love this, the thought of being caught.” His groan hits my palm as I increase the pace. “Anyone could walk in and see this. See how hard you are for me.” I press my erection into his thigh. “Better make it fast, Asher. I want to see you come for me.”
With quick reflexes, I wrap my arm around his back and pull him against me. Just being near him now has my body warming and my cock taking interest. Down, boy. This is not sexual, damn it. “You good?” “Give me a few minutes.” He takes off, starting slow, but before I know it, he’s doing crossovers, jumps, lunges, and switching between skating forward and backward. He sends a smug smile in our direction.
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It snowed last night, the type that sticks to the ground, and Asher almost slips on some black ice, but the need to get off apparently doesn’t affect his reflexes as he rights himself and meets me at the door. We’ve barely crossed the threshold when Asher slams me into the wall opposite and his body covers mine. His erection presses into my hip as my bag digs into my side, and he lowers his mouth to mine. It’s all tongues and greedy mouths devouring one another.
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“Lymphatic system.” “Let’s start there, then.” “Or …” He sinks to his knees and buries his face into my crotch, and well, mm … “Fair argument.” But I can’t let him think it’s that easy. I wind my fingers through his hair in the way I love. Then I give his head a sharp tug backward.
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“Reward me.” “You haven’t done anything to deserve it yet.” When he leans forward, I let him. And there’s that counterargument again that I just can’t dispute. He pushes his face against my aching cock and nips the inside of my thigh. “Don’t I deserve a reward? I’ve been so good.” “Well …” “Let me show my teacher how much I appreciate his help.” “Asher …” “Please, teach?” He mouths at the bulge in my pants. “Please?”
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Still not going to look up. It’s not my business. None at all. Nope. My gaze flickers upward. Damn it. A tall, good-looking, hipster type wearing an unbuttoned flannel shirt stands there smiling down at Kole. I growl. Wait … I growl? I clear my throat, and Kole’s eyes meet mine. “I, uh, made a mistake.” I scribble out the correct answer on my sheet and then wave my hand. “Carry on.”
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“He’s right though,” Kole says. “Sorry, Tray.” Of course his name is Tray. That’s a douche name. Like Chet. Or Brad.
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Apparently, it’s happening. Kole’s got a date. And I’m totally cool with it. One hundred percent. Even if we had plans to fuck or whatever. It’s sex. Only sex. It never means anything. Never. Then why do I want to tell Kole he can’t go out with anyone else? And where the hell is that thought coming from? “Sorry about that,” Kole says to me. “You can go out with whoever you want.” As long as their name starts with A and ends in sher.
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“Your glasses are sexy as fuck.” “The face underneath them wasn’t.” I gently push him off me so I can look him in the eye when I say, “I don’t believe it. You’re all …” I screw up my face. “I was going to say beautiful, but—” “Eww, gag.” I laugh. “Right? But I mean, you’re drop-dead gorgeous.” “I am now.” “Wow. And you’re so modest about it too.”
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“Tell me what’s going to happen this weekend,” I whisper. He pauses and stares up at me, Kole’s hazel eyes clouded with lust and confusion. “What?” I lower my head to his ear while I thrust into his hand. “Tell me how you want me to take you. How you want me to get you ready. With my fingers? My mouth?” “Both?” he squeaks, and I love it.
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“I want you to suck my dick while you finger fuck me. I want you to find that spot inside me and press against it over and over again until I almost fall apart. I want to get so close to the edge that I think it’s past the point of no return, but at the last second, right before I think I’m going to come, you’ll pull your fingers out of me and fill me up with your huge—” He grips my cock tighter, adjusting his rhythm.
“After we’re done and maybe napped, when we wake up …” I can’t wait for what he’s going to say. We’ll do it all again? We’ll make each other come so many times, I’ll need extra tutoring because my brain cells will be mush? “I’ll flip you over and do the same to you,” he finishes.
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His mouth is demanding—it’s distracting—and before I know it, I’m moving in and out of him, breathing him in, and savoring the sensation of being inside him. Kole breaks his mouth away and tilts his head back, exposing his neck. I lick a path from his collarbone to his jaw. “I need more,” he pants. “Yeah?” I straighten up and pull him with me so his ass is off the bed and practically in my lap.
“Ah, come on. It’s just a bit red.” His smile is wide and so pretty. I forgive him instantly. “I can’t believe that actually happened.” “Need me to kiss it better?” “Like there’s time.” I try hard not to pout. “We were supposed to wake up early.” “You’re the one who begged for my dick last night.” “You were sore after your game. Of course I was going to ride you.”
“You can tell me to go away if you want. Tell me to leave you alone. But I wanted you to know that I’m here. If you need me.” “I don’t need anyone,” I snap. Kole purses his lips. “I’m sorry I was an asshole to you, okay? I didn’t mean any of it. I wanted to escape, and I did it the only way I know how.” “By making others mad at you so they won’t care what you do or what happens to you.” Exactly. “Get out of my head,” I grumble.
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I try for a laugh. I really do. In fact, I think it starts as a laugh, but then all at once, it collapses into uncontrollable sobs. Kole doesn’t hesitate. He steps into my arms, which only breaks the dam, and buckets of tears fall from my eyes. “I’m here,” he whispers. “We can talk, I can just hold you … whatever. Just let it all out.” Apparently, my body thinks that’s a brilliant idea. I soak Kole’s shirt with snot and tears—so sexy—but I can’t stop it. I’m not even trying anymore. For the first time since my father and stepmother died, I let go of everything I’ve thought I needed to hold on
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“Come here,” Kole says. I let him pull back and lead me toward a park bench. He sits with his arm running along the back and gestures for me to sit next to him.. When he pulls me in close, I can finally let some of the fight I’m holding on to go. He makes me feel warm even though I’m near frozen. Being in his arms is the safest place I’ve felt in a really long time. As long as he keeps touching me, I think I’ll be okay. Here with him, I don’t have to worry about what my siblings will think. I won’t have to worry about their future or mine. I don’t have to be strong for them. I don’t have to
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“I’m sorry.” I’ve never been more sorry in all my life. And that’s saying something because I’ve fucked up countless times. “I know that too,” Kole says softly. “How?” “Because you’re not this big tough no emotions guy. I’ve known that from the first night I met you and you were freaking out over your missing little brother. You’re not an asshole no matter how much you want people to believe you are.”
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“It gave me some perspective. Well, the near accident made me freak out, and then Kole gave me perspective. That, maybe, possibly, bottling everything up is not healthy? Because when you do that, you end up like this.” I wave my hand over my face. “And he pointed out how much you and I are alike, and well, I thought you might need to hear that you’re not alone and you aren’t screwing it all up.”
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Damn his ass looks good in those jeans he’s wearing. I wrap my arm around his middle and pull him against me. He stiffens for a brief second before melting into me. “I’ve missed you,” I hedge. I lower my head and kiss his neck. “Missed touching you.”
Yep, this is definitely the blow-off speech. It shouldn’t get to me, but it does. Kole’s obviously realized he can do a lot better than someone like me. Someone who he can’t have a future with. Who isn’t worth disappointing his father over. And whoa, apparently I’m thinking of further ahead than the next away game.
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“I don’t like you.” He pushes off the side of the cubbies and tries to leave, but I quickly jump in his way. “You’re infuriating.” “You like me anyway.” “Asher—” “Go out with me,” I say. He steps back again. “What?” “Date me.”
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“Hmm, which McDonald’s do you think is more romantic? The one in Colchester or South Burlington?” Kole pauses and glares at me. “That was a joke. Geez. Calm down. Five Guys is much better. And you can say things like ‘Five Guys filled me up, and now I can’t even walk.’” Kole pats my shoulder. “You’re really selling me on this date thing. It’s going to be so hard for me to say I don’t want another one by the end of it.” Little does he know I’m messing with him. Prepare to be wooed, Kole Hogan. I’m bringing out the big guns.
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“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” he murmurs against my skin. “And you’re mine. All mine.”
“Kole …” He cards his fingers through my hair and tugs me up to look at him. A weighted silence passes between us before he whispers one word. “Mine …” I nod. “I’m yours.”
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“You’re going to suck my cock and get it good and wet so I don’t hurt you,” I tell him. His head darts forward immediately to do just that, but I grab his hair and yank him back out of reach. “And once you’re done … I’m going to do the same to your hole. Now open up.”