Goal Lines & First Times (CU Hockey, #3)

by Eden Finley

And while I wait for the jealousy to kick in … it doesn’t. I’m hit with this weird moment of recognition that this is Foster’s life, and it’s not what I want for me. I’m going to teach and get a little house—with character—somewhere, and maybe spend my summers traveling.

Foster smirks. “Totally backwashed in that.”

I’m not happy that it’s been a struggle, but it makes me see all my Foster has it so easy complaints and resentment for what it is: me being unhappy with my life.

But now that I’ve gotten all of that off my chest, just know that my irrational and misplaced resentment doesn’t mean I don’t love you. You’re the best brother I could ask for.”

This would be perfect for him. Except the part where he, Foster, and Zach will all be in Montreal, and I’ll be left in Vermont. He’d be moving two hours away and working for the same organization as my brother. My heart twinges. The thought of losing him kills me. But he said no. He said no to something he could actually be passionate about, and the only reason I can come up with is me. Of course it’s me. I’ve never been with anyone who put my feelings first, but Richie has done it from the beginning.

“Is it the job itself? Because I’d be choosing Foster over you? It’s exactly why I told him I’m not interested. I wouldn’t do that to you. Not with all the baggage between you and your brother.”

And it’s not irrational. It’s how you feel. That’s not something you can change so easily.” “It’s not as if I like resenting him. I still love him. It’s just … hard sometimes.”

“Yeah, you’re the only relationship that has lasted more than a couple of months, and I had to work for half a damn year getting to know you before I could even meet you. We moved slower than a fucking turtle.” I pull him close. “But it was worth it.” Seth relents. “Totally worth it.”

“Eh. I’ll still love you anyway.” Seth lets out a little gasp, and my eyes widen. That didn’t just fall out of my mouth, did it? Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. “You’ll what?” Seth’s lips curve upward. “I’ll still … uh, like you? Very much. Yes. That.” His smile only widens. “You love me?” I swallow the large lump in my throat. “Umm, no?” He cocks an eyebrow, and his lips press together. “Yes?” “You sound confused.”

“I do,” I croak. “I’m in love with you.” Seth’s smile is back. “I’m in love with you too.”

I’ll do whatever it takes to stay in Burlington for you.” Seth’s hesitance slowly peels away, but I still see the concern in his eyes. “I don’t want to hold you back.” “Loving you could never hold me back.”

Seth is more important to me than a job. That’s all there is to it.

And when it comes to Richie, I’m playing the long game.

I rest my face on his chest, not tired at all, but needing the closeness. Because I know what I’m about to do borders on the line of deceitful. Which makes me feel like a dick. But when it comes to Richie, I want him to have it all. I’m still working out all the details, but if this job is going to be a possibility, he can’t take any more time thinking about it. I won’t resent him for taking it, and I need him to know that. Even if it means breaking up.

I’d do anything to make him happy. Anything to give him the world. I can’t give him the world. But I can maybe give him this.

“Am I too young to have a heart attack?” Zach asks, rubbing his chest.

“Was it best for me? Or best for you?” He doesn’t let me respond. “Did you stop for even one second and consider that maybe I know exactly what I want. I know how to prioritize. And I might be oblivious sometimes, but I made this choice with my eyes wide open. I fucking chose you. I chose you because I wanted to. You didn’t force me, you didn’t make me feel pressured. And now … I’m sort of wondering why I made that choice when you’re making it very fucking hard for me to trust you.”

I can still have hockey in so many different ways. Coaching, watching … I don’t think I’ll ever find another Seth.

Catching up with your brother now. Call him a loser from me! he texts back.

“Uh, Seth told me to tell you you’re a loser.” Foster bursts out laughing. “Of course he did.”

Everyone sees Zach as the oblivious adorable man he is, but I think people miss that Seth can be as socially inept sometimes. He’s a people pleaser, so he does what he thinks is best as some sort of grand gesture. This isn’t the first time he’s screwed up with someone.”

“No one at this table’s going to sleep with you, dickhead.” “Pity. I’ve got a big dick.”

“You were more important to me than any game. I said no to an opportunity I’d been searching for all year to stay with you. This year at training, I wasn’t thinking about the weekend game, I was too busy concentrating on when I’d get to see you next. And moving to Montreal, it’s not even the job I’m looking forward to. It’s getting to wake up next to you every day.” My heart is melting. “All year it’s been sneaking up on me without me realizing. And trust me this next part is going to sound ridiculous coming from me, but … hockey isn’t everything …” I pretend to gasp. “Never!” He smiles softly and rests his forehead against mine. “You are.”

“This is what you have to get used to now. Me, being a giant affectionate idiot.”

“Thank you.” “For?” “Needing me.” “Always.” He kisses my ear. “Only you, Einstein.”

“Sometimes I come out with super smart and insightful things.” Seth smiles. “Other times you ask where your phone is when it’s in your hand.” “Damn straight.”

“I’m meeting your Zach. What if he doesn’t like me?”

Seth laughs. “Never change, Zach. Please.”

He’s my entire future, and I will spend every day of my life showing him that.