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“I’m really sorry that my need for an emotional connection and lack of sex was inconvenient for you. But guess what? It’s not so great for me either.”
I’m the straight brother. Or is that what I’ve been telling myself for years? My bisexual twin has been sex-obsessed since we were fifteen when the thought of even kissing a girl made me uncomfortable. I’m the complete opposite of Foster, therefore I can’t be bi like him … right?
I’m Richie. I’m 24. And I’m really new to this. @scientistguy: Ah, hence your name? Or are you confused how a 69 works and got it backward? @confused96: That’s exactly my problem. Turning 69s into 96s.
@scientistguy: I can be prickly. Fair warning. @confused96: … Are you a porcupine? I’m pretty sure if I ask, you have to say. No, wait, that’s the police. @scientistguy: Not the police either. That’s what dumbass criminals think. @confused96: Did you just call me a criminal? @scientistguy: I also called you a dumbass. @confused96: I can’t refute that.
@scientistguy: You can call me Schrödinger. @confused96: I don’t even know how to spell that. I might have to copy and paste. I laugh. @scientistguy: It’s a dude who came up with a scientific theory everyone likes to recycle. I’m still figuring myself out and haven’t landed on a label, so until I know for sure, I’m every label. @confused96: Or no label at all. @scientistguy: Exactly! @confused96: Did I just science? Go me! He’s ridiculous. It makes me smile.
Richie: Pandas are so dumb, they’re carnivorous but eat plants. Because … plants are right there. Einstein: That sounds more lazy than dumb. Richie: When Sloths climb trees, they sometimes think their own limb is a branch and fall to their death. Einstein: LMAO! Oh wait, I mean … I shouldn’t laugh at that, right? Richie: Turkeys drown by staring up at the sky when it’s raining. Einstein: And we have a winner.
Ace Valentine’s Day cards. They should be a thing. I like you a lot, I think you’re hot, but I don’t want you near my spot.
A little life
“Order for Richie?” Zach says something, but I completely miss what as my head snaps up toward the barista. What are the chances? I freeze. My heartbeat is in my ears as I lean a little, trying to see the counter, but damn, Cohen is in the way. I can’t see around him from this angle.
I’ve always been there for Zach. But first he has to escape me by running off to CU, and now he’s disappearing to another country? Deep down I know this isn’t about me, but it’s hard to disconnect the two thoughts. He loves Foster, he wants to be with him. It just makes me feel so alone. It’s self-doubt talking, but when the hell will anyone ever actually want to be around me?
Zach has half the hockey team chasing after him to make sure he’s okay, and who do I have? I don’t need to check behind me to know the answer to that question.
:'(
Who knew that this Halloween every jock on the CU campus would want to dress as the Witcher? Obvious choice of course—easy and hot, just about every jock’s costume requirement—but I’d been completely unprepared. My dick had flipped out more tonight than it had in the last month, and when I’d left, and Cohen was there all big and hot and staring at me with his intense gray eyes, I’d almost choked on my own spit.
There’s clearly something there between us, and it both terrifies and excites me. Uh, me and Richie. Not me and Cohen. Though he did look super hot. Super, super hot. I don’t have that reaction to anyone, and certainly not ever to him before. It had to have been the costume.
“Please don’t tell Foster about this.” “About you being drunk? He’s not your keeper.” “No, but he’ll want to talk about why I didn’t go to Thanksgiving so I could drink myself stupid. Why, Seth? We have perfect lives, Seth. We’re privileged and get whatever we want, Seth. Why are you unhappy? Why? Why? Why? Maybe because you get whatever you want, you have the perfect life, and you’ve got every single thing figured out, don’t ya, little brother?” Cohen blinks at me. “Are you still talking to me or having an imaginary fight with your brother? Is it weird I feel like I’m intruding on your
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“Yeah, you know. Boobered. Why can’t I say Boobered right?” “I’m guessing you mean Ubered?” I point at him. “Yes. That. Has anyone ever told you that you could be the smartest hockey player in the history of hockey players?” Cohen chuckles. “Definitely not, but it’s good to know I jump up a few IQ points when the people around me are drunk off their asses.” “You know what that means, don’t you?” “I should get everyone drunk?” “Exactly! Being dunk if nuf.” “Sure it is, whatever that means.”
Cohen takes out my phone from my pants. “Passcode.” I mock gasp. “You’re not s’posed to give strangers your passcode. Did your parents teach you nothing?” “Guess not,” he says solemnly. “Oh, shit, are you, like, an orphan, and I rubbed your parents’ violent murders in your face?” “Violent murders? Your imagination is …” “Amazing.” “No, I’m not an orphan, but I’m trying to order you an Uber.” “Oh, then my passcode is my birthday. Good luuuck working that—” He punches it in. “Hey, how did you—” “Your twin brother is one of my best friends, dumbass.” He orders me an Uber and then slides my phone
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“Bill. Hi, we’re Cohen and Seth.” “If he pukes in my car—” “I’ll pay for the cleaning,” Cohen says. His eyes lock with mine. “Don’t throw up. I have no money.” The car jolts as the driver slams on his brakes. “That probably doesn’t help,” Cohen says. “And I’m kidding. I have money.” He looks down at me and mouths, “I don’t, but shh.”
And now that I’m ninety-nine percent sure it’s him, I’m going to be so fucking disappointed if it isn’t. Because Cohen? Oh, yeah, the attraction’s there.
“Please do. My boyfriend is a possessive motherfucker. He’ll tear it right off.”
“All I’m saying is when a man and a man love each other very much—” “Dear God.” “—hooking up is totally natural. No judgment. But …” He grabs my arm and pulls me to a stop. “As my boyfriend’s best friend’s little brother—” “I’m the older brother.” He narrows his eyes. “Nah, I don’t see it.” “I don’t think you know how childbirth works.” “Maybe I’ll knock up Jacobs and see firsthand.” I cringe. “I don’t think you know how biology works either.” “Biology? That sounds like a challenge to try harder to me.” I’d call him an idiot—again—but I can tell by the teasing glint in his eye that he’s
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Beck’s voice follows me. “What happens in Montreal, stays in Montreal.” I glance back at him just in time to see him point at me. “Except STDs. So don’t forget to wrap your shit.”
Beck throws his arm around me as we head for the hotel underground parking. “Have a fun New Year’s?” “Yep.” “That’s all I get?” I step into the elevator. “Yep.” “You’re not fun.” Pretty sure Seth would contradict that statement. Seth and I share a look. “Or subtle,” Beck mutters. Right. Eyes up front.
“It’s hot when you do it. I’m scared I’ll gag.” “Pretend it’s a protein shake with kale. If I can swallow that, I can swallow anything.” “That should go on your resume.” “What type of job do you think I’m looking for?” Seth laughs.
As I hand over his cup of coffee, his front door opens out of nowhere. My hands fly to cover my junk, and if I thought my worst nightmare would be Foster walking in on this and finding out before we can tell him, I underestimated the thought of Seth’s parents doing it.
“I’m a nudist!” I blurt. They both look confused. “I’m trying to recruit Seth into my cult. That’s why I’m naked.” Seth’s dad looks like he’s trying to swallow his lips. His mom is averting her gaze. Hmm, they don’t believe me. “I actually gave up my clothing for Lent.” “That starts in February,” Seth mutters. Oh shit. “Okay, truth. I have a mole. Somewhere not … normal. I asked Seth to look at it for me.” Seth finally breaks. “Oh my God, stop talking and go put clothes on.” “Okay.” I make a run for it.
“So, I have some slightly disturbing news,” I say. “You do?” I nod. “I think I’m kind of dating everyone I’ve ever slept with? And, we didn’t break up. So, I’ve cheated on all of them with you. A lot.”
He drops into the passenger seat and reaches up to flick his beanie’s pom-pom. “Look, we’re one of those couples who match.” “This morning you didn’t know we were dating, and now we’re a couple?” His face crumples. “Isn’t that what it means?” “Jesus, you’re cute.”
He cringes. “I still can’t believe your parents saw my dick.” “To be fair, you did a great job distracting them with your rambling.” “I panicked.” “I could tell.” I snort back a laugh.
“Yep,” Richie continues. “When you meet a guy like Seth, you don’t let him go.” He has to be the least subtle person I’ve ever met, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“I can only distract people with my amazing charm for so long,” Beck says in his usual Beck way. “Uh-huh. I’m sure you’ll think of other ways.” “I almost got my dick out, but Jacobs is kind of possessive of it.” “We’ll keep that as a last resort.”
“I’ll ask him, but I won’t hold my breath that he’ll accept.” “I’ve already given him the same speech. He’ll meet you after practice.” Oh great. It’s like I’m a five-year-old being set up on a playdate with the kid no one likes.
Einstein: That’s okay. Some friends asked me to go out, but I was going to see what you were doing first. I should go socialize. More than one person thought I died over break. Richie: I got the same questioning. Apparently, holing up in an apartment for two weeks is not normal behavior. Who knew?
“My dick hurts.” Seth laughs. “You should see someone about that.” “It just needs some attention.” “It is totally shocking that your cock is an attention whore.” “It wants love.” Seth reaches over and rubs the bulge in my pants. “I’ll make sure to find it a good home.” I frown. “Are we still talking about sex?” “Fuck, you’re adorable. Yes. Sex. Now. Upstairs.”
“Who’ll be the goal and who’ll be the puck?” “Thanks for that analogy. I’ll never see scoring on the ice the same way again.” “I was going to go with the pitcher-and-catcher analogy, but I figured you’d appreciate the hockey one better.” I waggle my eyebrows. “You wanna get in my crease? Wanna stick me? Butt-ending?”
Do I lead up to this, or just— “I hope you don’t care that I brought my boyfriend with me.” Blurt it out. Zach chokes on his water at the same moment Richie’s butter knife clatters against the dish. “Boyfriend?” Richie asks. “Aren’t we?” “Are we?” His genuine tone makes me laugh. I bury my smile into my hand and shake my head. “We’ve got to stop doing this.”
“Seriously, Seth, this guy? You’re sure?” “I’m sure.” “Okay, then.”
“Is everyone on this team fucking gay?” I break away from Seth and turn to Henrikson. “If we want to get technical, Jacobs is the only gay one.” Jacobs calls out as he walks past, “Nope. I’m bi again! I think.” “He’s mine, that’s all that matters,” Beck says as he drags him away.
I grab the OJ and swig right from the bottle. Foster smirks. “Totally backwashed in that.” Asshole. I flip him the bird and let the last bit still in my mouth trickle back into the bottle. Then I recap it and put it back in the fridge. “You’re disgusting,” Foster says as he steps around me, grabs the bottle, and tosses it in the sink.
“Eh. I’ll still love you anyway.” Seth lets out a little gasp, and my eyes widen. That didn’t just fall out of my mouth, did it? Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. “You’ll what?” Seth’s lips curve upward. “I’ll still … uh, like you? Very much. Yes. That.” His smile only widens. “You love me?” I swallow the large lump in my throat. “Umm, no?” He cocks an eyebrow, and his lips press together. “Yes?” “You sound confused.”
I know what I’m about to do borders on the line of deceitful. Which makes me feel like a dick. But when it comes to Richie, I want him to have it all. I’m still working out all the details, but if this job is going to be a possibility, he can’t take any more time thinking about it. I won’t resent him for taking it, and I need him to know that. Even if it means breaking up. My heart doesn’t like that option, so I just have to work my ass off to make sure it doesn’t happen.
Catching up with your brother now. Call him a loser from me! he texts back.
“I promise. I know I went about this the wrong way, but I thought I was doing the right thing.” “I know. But we’re only going to work if we communicate.” “When did you get to be so smart?” “Well, I am a communications major.” Seth shoves me. “I said smart. Not smartass.”
And trust me this next part is going to sound ridiculous coming from me, but … hockey isn’t everything …” I pretend to gasp. “Never!” He smiles softly and rests his forehead against mine. “You are.” Oh, that sweet motherfucker.
“Sometimes I come out with super smart and insightful things.” Seth smiles. “Other times you ask where your phone is when it’s in your hand.” “Damn straight.”
“You have nothing to worry about. You look hot.” He playfully shoves me. “I’m meeting your Zach. What if he doesn’t like me?” “The good news is we hardly ever get to see each other, so it won’t affect either of our lives very much.
