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TJ fucking Beckett. Beck.
I take my seat next to my teammate. That’s all we are. Not friends. I wouldn’t even consider him an acquaintance.
I happen to be opposite Jacobs. Total accident, I swear.
I’m so used to being liked by everyone and being easy to get along with that I find his contempt fascinating. I have no idea what I ever did to him, but whatever it was, I’m not even sorry. Because … I weirdly like it.
I’m trying to think of a less-insulting thing to call him than a nerd. But it’s what he is.
He’s going to be playing hockey for a goddamn living, and I’m insanely jealous. That’s not in the cards for me.
“Why do you bicker?” Zach asks. I say, “I have no idea,” at the same time Jacobs says, “He’s a dick.”
Affection isn’t something I’ve ever received. Not from my parents and hardly from any of the girls I’ve dated.
I’ve never felt the need to kiss someone’s head lovingly or wrap my arm around them possessively. But seeing Grant and his boyfriend makes me wonder if I’m missing out.
I have this useless feeling of responsibility to make sure everyone gets back to the dorms okay. Including Beck.
I hear Zach say, “I know I’m hopeless, but there was definitely sexual tension there.”
Tension, yes. He’s right about that. Sexual tension? No. Nope, nope, nope. Never. Nope. No. Seven no’s should cover it. No wait, one more: fucking nope!
“It’s called responsible drinking.” “I didn’t think you knew the meaning of the word.” “What, drinking? I’ve done my research on it.”
When I provoke him, he smiles at me and walks away. What the hell? This is not how things are supposed to go. I want to get under his skin.
“What kind of beer was that? Tasted like ass.” “You know what ass tastes like?” Cohen asks. “Just your momma’s,” I mumble. He slaps the back of my head.
I’ve always been an ass man. It’s a damn pity that particular ass belongs to someone as grating as him. And as, ah, male as him too.
Everyone has kissed someone of the same sex. It’s, like, a thing. A rite of passage.” Everyone in the room blinks at him. “Put your hand up if you’ve never kissed another guy,” I say. Every single person raises their hand except for Cohen.
“Wait … like … right now?” He turns his head. “Should we wait for Cohen?” Rossi waves him off. “He knows what it’s like for two guys kissing, evidently.”
He’s kissing me back. And not a bet type of kiss. They never said we have to use tongues.
The scruff around his mouth is rough against my skin, a sensation I’ve never experienced before. I can’t say I hate it. Fuck, I think I like it. Oh shit. I might like it too much.
Jacobs legit groans, and it’s the most erotic sound I’ve ever heard.
“I think we’re all a little gay after that. That was hot.” Rossi slaps Cohen’s shoulder. “Still only you, dude.”
Only when I’m inside the safety of my room do I let go and sink against the door. I have no idea what just happened, but I can’t help running my fingers over my lips trying to figure it out.
I know I can wash the taste of him away by brushing my teeth. I know I can go out and hook up and replace the memory of his kiss by making out with someone else. And yet … both of those things hold zero appeal.
But tonight, when Beck pulled away from our kiss, his blown pupils were from straight up lust, and the look made me want to grab him, shove him up against the wall, and kiss him again.
The fact it was Beck should have been an instant boner killer. It wasn’t. It did the complete opposite.
What did that Katy Perry sing about again? I kissed a guy. And my dick really fucking liked it.
Beck is weird. He throws around his usual quips, but there’s no heart behind them. There’s none of that spark that I hate.
“You’re right. I liked it. Wanna know why?” My response clearly takes him by surprise because when I dip my mouth down next to his ear, he doesn’t pull away. “You were finally fucking quiet.”
“If I kissed you every time you annoyed me, my tongue would be permanently in your mouth.”
“Did you jerk off after we kissed? Because you seem a whole lot more relaxed now.” Of course that’s where his brain has gone, and of course I’m not feeling ridiculously awkward, because of fucking course that’s not exactly what I did.
I keep replaying that damn kiss. Jacobs’s lips on mine. His tongue in my mouth. That groan … I’d sell my soul to hear that again.
Yeaaaah, I’m so not as straight as I thought I was.
Ah. See. That’s where we differ. I don’t have a future.
I never knew I needed that validation from him until this moment. When we won, yeah, it was awesome, but like I’ve said, it wasn’t as big a deal to me as it was to Jacobs and Grant. Hearing Jacobs say they couldn’t have done it without me … I feel it. That accomplished feeling I’ve been missing.
and those lips I can’t stop thinking about … God I want—no, need—another taste.
“I’m Jacobs again. Good to know.” “Would you prefer I called you Topher?” He’s mocking me. Honestly though, I don’t know anymore.
“What is it that makes me so special?” Ask my dick.
What is it about this guy that makes me lose my damn mind? I can admit he’s hot—my nightly jerk-off sessions have brought me to terms with that—but a sexy smile and a biteable ass are not reasons to risk my scholarship.
our team was unbeatable last season thanks to Grant and me. Okay, and Beck. I hate giving him that credit, but he deserves it.
“So the CUM games are over. You’re finally free of me.” It should feel better than it does.
“You and I? We’re teammates. You and him? It was … more.” “Well, yeah, we were friends.” “You hung off him.” The glare he turns on me is kinda mean. “‘Grant, let’s practice shootouts,’ ‘Grant, are you coming to McIntyre’s?’ ‘Grant, let me suck your dick …’”
“Jealous?” “Not about you guys. It’s … I have a lot of friends, but I don’t have a best friend. No point, really, when as soon as I graduate, I’ll be back in New York.”
“But we both have the team.” “For this year,” Beck says. “For this year,” I echo. I’m uncomfortably aware of the mirrored regret in our tones.
What I do know is every time he says, well, anything, it draws my attention to his mouth, and that shit is dangerous territory.
I know if I delete these photos, it really will be all over. And the part of me that doesn’t want that is starting to get really loud.