The young live absolutely in the present, but a present of drama and recklessness, of acting on urges and running with the pack. They bring the fearlessness of children to acts with adult consequences, and when something goes wrong they experience the shame or the pain as an eternal present too. Adulthood is made up of a prudent anticipation and a philosophical memory that make you navigate more slowly and steadily. But fear of making mistakes can itself become a huge mistake, one that prevents you from living, for life is risky and anything less is already loss.
I never had the fearlessness of a child. I have always been afraid of the consequences, always sought to understand what the worst that could happen in any given situation would be and then seek to mitigate it. I have always been old inside my head. And now, as my body’s age catches up with my mind, I weep for the child who never was.
