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Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. Your life story would not make a good book. Do not even try.
All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable. The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one’s soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive—you are leaking.
Children ask better questions than do adults. “May I have a cookie?” “Why is the sky blue?” and “What does a cow say?” are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than “Where’s your manuscript?” “Why haven’t you called?” and “Who’s your lawyer?”
Rome is a very loony city in every respect. One needs but spend an hour or two there to realize that Fellini makes documentaries.
The best way to meet people in Cannes is to sit on the Carleton Terrace and order a drink. A few hours later the waiter will bring you somebody else’s martini. You pick up the martini in an extravagant manner and look around. A few tables away someone will be holding your Perrier with a twist in a quizzical position
But alas, I do not rule the world and that, I am afraid, is the story of my life—always a godmother, never a God.
Sleep is death without the responsibility.
It is by this painstaking method of careful examination and eventual rejection that we reach a conclusion: life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep. Therefore, that which we call civilization is merely the accumulated debris of a chilling number of bad nights.
The favored mode of transportation is infecting a visitor and then hoping that he goes someplace.
A loaf of bread that is more comfortable than a sofa cannot help but be unpalatable.
If there was no such thing as food, Oyster Bay would be called just Bay, and for the title of The Cherry Orchard Chekhov would have chosen A Group of Empty Trees, Regularly Spaced.
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not possibly have met.
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
Think before you speak. Read before you think. This will give you something to think about that you didn’t make up yourself—a wise move at any age, but most especially at seventeen, when you are in the greatest danger of coming to annoying conclusions.
Although I made every effort to stay out of her way, she was forever following me from room to room brandishing dangerous-looking household appliances and looking at me contemptuously in Portuguese.
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater … suggest that he wear a tail.
No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
What, after all, is London to a man who thinks of the whole Middle East as just another bad neighborhood and the coast of South Africa as simply the beach?
Wondered briefly why listings always specify wood-burning fireplaces. Decided that considering the prices they’re asking, it’s probably just a warning device for those who might otherwise figure what the hell, and just burn money.
Being offended is the natural consequence of leaving one’s home.
The members of the Writers’ Regiment would, of course, like to join the rest of you in dangerous armed combat, but unfortunately the pen is mightier than the sword and we must serve where we are needed.
Violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good color for flowers. I will not forget this.
