Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes

by William Bridges

When the first edition of this book came out, I got calls and letters from husbands or wives who announced that their spouses were in mid-life crisis (or in some other transition) and needed a talking to. I was always told that the partners in question “will listen to you.” And that they really “need help.” That may have been so, of course, but it simply won’t work to provide help that is not wanted at that point. What does work is for the partner who is aware of the transition and its implications for a relationship to begin exploring alone the question of what is ending in a relationship and what to do about it. More often than not, it turns out that the ending is not some external situation but an attitude or an assumption or a self-image that both partners have held. And the husbands or wives who were sure that their partners needed help find that the need is within themselves, that once the inner change is made by them, the other person proves to be not nearly so blind or unwilling to talk. I have come to regard it as more than likely that husbands or wives seeking help and advice for a spouse had better face their own need for help.