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Thus, as the grim reaper, I understood dead people. Their sense of timing pretty much sucked. Not a problem. But this being woken up in the middle of the night by a living, breathing being who had her nails sharpened regularly at World of Knives was just wrong.
Apparently, in high school, Cookie had been voted Person Most Likely to Die Any Second Now.
She was so lucky my killer instincts hadn’t kicked in and pummeled her ass to the ground. Left her a bruised and broken woman. Groaning in agony. Twitching occasionally.
Cookie was a lot like orange juice on white pants. She could be either grating or funny, depending on who was wearing the white pants.
I started the car and drove to the Chocolate Coffee Café, which Cookie did not own, unfortunately. Because, really? Chocolate and coffee? Together? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader’s Digest.
“Oh my god! There’s a dead person in my backseat, isn’t there?” “Wait, what?” I said in stuttering astonishment. “Not even. Why would you assume such a thing?”
“This is one Froot Loop beyond certifiable.”
IF IT HAS TIRES OR TESTICLES, IT’S GONNA GIVE YOU TROUBLE. —BUMPER STICKER
NEVER BE AFRAID TO DART AROUND IN PUBLIC, HUMMING THE MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE THEME SONG.
“Probably your real mother, because we cannot possibly be related.” I smiled and trotted after her. “You’re just trying to make me feel better.”
When two vowels go walking, the first one does the talking.”
“If you’re not going to tell me where you are, if you’re not going to trust me to help you, then why are you here? Why bother?” After the room reverberated with a soft growl, I felt him leave. I felt his essence drain from the room, the cold stillness that lingered in his wake. A split second before he vanished completely, he brushed past me, whispered in my ear. “Because you’re the reason I breathe.”
I fell forward, stumbling on Mimi, who had stumbled on Cookie, and prayed to God I wouldn’t shoot anyone.
Wow, this was nice. In an Addams Family kind of way.
THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEAR IS FEAR ITSELF. AND SPIDERS.
“Kill you?” he asked, his velvety voice winding its way to my core. “That would be like smothering the sun.”
