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Sometimes ah think that people become junkies just because they subconsciously crave a wee bit ay silence.
— Pure as the driven snow, this shit, he tells us. That meant thit it wisnae cut too much, wi anything too toxic.
This internal sea. The problem is that this beautiful ocean carries with it loads ay poisonous flotsam and jetsam … that poison is diluted by the sea, but once the ocean rolls out, it leaves the shite behind, inside ma body. It takes as well as gives, it washes away ma endorphins, ma pain resistance centres; they take a long time tae come back.
People talk aboot youngsters and vandalism, what aboot the psychic vandalism caused by these auld bastards?
Normally ah would make a bitchy comment, but at this moment in time ah would rather slag ma granny aboot her colostomy bag.
Ah love nothing (except junk), ah hate nothing (except forces that prevent me getting any) and ah fear nothing (except not scoring).
Mates are a waste of fucking time. They are always ready to drag you down tae their level of social, sexual and intellectual mediocrity.
Sometimes ah really think the gadge still believes that an erection is for pishing over high walls.
The nervous laughter of frightened children trying to keep on the right side of the school hardcase, rather than that of adults conveying that they had heard something funny.
It looked as if he’d expired drunkenly, belligerently, frozen by death as he was arguing about football or politics.
The body was skinny and wizened, but then again, Andy always was. She remembered being tickled in the ribs by these persistent, ubiquitous, bony fingers. Perhaps Andy was always dying.
On the issue of drugs, we wir classical liberals, vehemently opposed tae state intervention in any form.
Lesley lifts her heid up an looks at us. Her thin, white face is like a skull wrapped in milky clingfilm; her eyes are rid raw, circled wi black rings.
If Spud isnae HIV positive by now, then the Government should send a deputation ay statisticians doon tae Leith, because the laws ay probability urnae operatin properly here.
Well, what ye huv tae dae is tae act enthusiastic, but still fuck up the interview. As long as ye come across as keen, they cannae say fuck all. If we jist be oorselves, n be honest, thill nivir gie either ay us the fuckin joab. Problem is, if ye just sit thair n say nowt tae the cunts, thir straight oantae the dole. Thill say: That cunt jist cannae be bothered.
Ah know ah shouldnae be disclosing aboot our life, man, but the image of her in bed is so strong that even her social coarseness and permanent sense ay outrage fail to weaken it. Ah jist pure wish that Lizzy could always be like she is in bed.
Straight, this is unwatchable. Stoned, it’s pure unmissable.
It was like sleeping wi a surfboard.
Wi nivir shagged or nowt like that. Wi baith thought it wid change things too much, like it does in male/female friendships. Sex generally makes them intae real relationships, or ends them. Ye go backwards or forwards after shagging, but maintaining the status quo is difficult.
Myth: Begbie has a great sense ay humour. Reality: Begbie’s sense ay humour is solely activated at the misfortunes, setbacks and weaknesses ay others, usually his friends.
Myth: Begbie’s mates like him. Reality: They fear him.
comes along but that cunt Begbie, wi a couple ay other psychos. They wir oan this specialist course in metalwork fir problem teenagers. The course seemed tae teach them tae manufacture thir ain sharp metal weapons ay destruction rather than have tae buy them fae the Army n Navy stores.
He considered lighting a cigarette, then decided against it. It was 11.04 and he’d had twelve fags already. It was always the same when he was forced to rise in the morning. He smoked far too many fags. He could cut down by staying in bed, so he generally didn’t get up until 2 p.m. These Government cunts were determined, he thought, to wreck both his health and finances by forcing him up so early.
No fuckin shy, they British Rail cunts, eh? ah sais, nudgin the burd next tae us. — Pardon? it sais tae us, sortay soundin likes, ‘par-dawn’ ken? — Whair’s it yis come fae then? — Sorry, I can’t really understand you … These foreign cunts’ve goat trouble wi the Queen’s fuckin English, ken. Ye huv tae speak louder, slower, n likesay mair posh, fir the cunts tae understand ye. — WHERE … DO … YOU … COME … FROM? That dis the fuckin trick.
The wifey goes up tae the council fir a hoose. The council sais tae her, whair’s it ye want tae fuckin stey, like? The woman sais, ah want a hoose in Princes Street lookin oantay the castle. This wifey’s fuckin scoobied likes, speaks that fuckin Gaelic is a first language; disnae even ken that much English. Perr cunt jist liked the look ay the street whin she came oaf the train, thoat the whole fuckin place wis like that. The cunts it the council jist laugh n stick the cunt n one ay they hoatline joabs in West Granton, thit nae cunt else wants. Instead ay a view ay the castle, she’s goat a
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See if it wis up tae me, ah’d git ivray fuckin book n pit thum on a great big fuckin pile n burn the fuckin loat. Aw books ur fir is fir smart cunts tae show oaf aboot how much shite thuv fuckin read. Ye git aw ye fuckin need tae ken ootay the paper n fae the telly. Posin cunts. Ah’ll gie thum fuckin books
Ah remember that cat scorin a cracker against Celtic. Or wis it Rangers? Same thing really though man, when ye think aboot it likesay … kinday different sides ay the same coin, ken? He shrugs. Ah doubt ah’ve convinced the cat.
Part of him believes that he is by far the most attractive person in the bar. The reason for this being that he can always find something hideous in the most gorgeous individual. By focusing on that isolated ugly part, he can then mentally nullify their beauty. On the other hand, his own ugly bits don’t bother him, because he is used to them, and in any case, can’t see them.
Whin yir oan junk, aw ye worry aboot is scorin. Oaf the gear, ye worry aboot loads ay things. Nae money, cannae git pished. Goat money, drinkin too much. Cannae git a burd, nae chance ay a ride. Git a burd, too much hassle, cannae breathe withoot her gittin oan yir case. Either that, or ye blow it, and feel aw guilty. Ye worry aboot bills, food, bailiffs, these Jambo Nazi scum beatin us, aw the things that ye couldnae gie a fuck aboot whin yuv goat a real junk habit. Yuv just goat one thing tae worry aboot. The simplicity ay it aw.
Renton never mentioned Sick Boy, because women liked Sick Boy and he had an urge to keep the women he met as far away from Sick Boy as possible, even conversationally.
Renton was relieved to get hard as he watched Dianne undress. Unlike him, she took her time, and seemed completely unselfconscious. He thought that her body looked great. He couldn’t help a football mantra of ‘here we go’ playing repeatedly in his head.
He worried about her, however; thinking that anyone who would sleep with him would sleep with anybody.
Aye, well, ah’ve goat a degree in history fae Aberdeen University. This in fact, was almost true. He’d got into Aberdeen University, and found the course easy, but was forced to leave mid-way through the first year after blowing his grant money on drugs and prostitutes.
Renton made half-hearted attempts to help tidy up, before the father ushered him onto the couch and the mother busied herself in the kitchen. His heart sank, expecting the ah’m-wide-fir-your-game-cunt line when they were alone. Not a bit of it though. They talked aboot Ralphy Gillsland and his brother Colin, who, Renton found himself pleased tae hear, had committed suicide, and other guys they both knew from jobs.
The Hibbies didnae do too well against us, did they? Renton smiled, glad for the first time, for reasons other than sexual ones, to have shagged this man’s daughter. It was amazing, he decided, how things like sex and Hibs, which were nothing to him when he was on smack, suddenly became all-important. He speculated that his drug problems might be related to Hibs poor performances over the eighties.
A hand hit his shoulder. He felt his skeleton and central nervous system briefly rip out of his skin, like wire through plasticine, then jump back in.
As she departed, he felt a powerful twinge of self-loathing. He was unsure as to whether it came from having had sex with her, or the knowledge that he couldn’t possibly again.
That Begbie, man, it’s likesay … that’s a fuckin jungle cat. We’re just ordinary funky feline types. Domestic cats, likesay.
Ah hate it the wey Mark’s intae hurtin animals … it’s wrong man. Ye cannae love yirsel if ye want tae hurt things like that … ah mean … what hope is thir? The squirrel’s likes fuckin lovely. He’s daein his ain thing. He’s free. That’s mibbe what Rents cannae stand. The squirrel’s free, man.
Ah wonder if anybody this side of the Atlantic has ever bought a baseball bat with playing baseball in mind.
Why is it that because ye use hard drugs every cunt feels that they have a right tae dissect and analyse ye?
Society invents a spurious convoluted logic tae absorb and change people whae’s behaviour is outside its mainstream. Suppose that ah ken aw the pros and cons, know that ah’m gaunnae huv a short life, am ay sound mind etcetera, etcetera, but still want tae use smack? They won’t let ye dae it. They won’t let ye dae it, because it’s seen as a sign ay thir ain failure. The fact that ye jist simply choose tae reject whit they huv tae offer.
Choose us. Choose life. Choose mortgage payments; choose washing machines; choose cars; choose sitting oan a couch watching mind-numbing and spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fuckin junk food intae yir mooth. Choose rotting away, pishing and shiteing yersel in a home, a total fuckin embarrassment tae the selfish, fucked-up brats ye’ve produced. Choose life. Well, ah choose no tae choose life. If the cunts cannae handle that, it’s thair fuckin problem. As Harry Lauder sais, ah jist intend tae keep right on to the end of the road
Poor Ma, still blaming hersel fir that fucked-up gene that caused ma brother Davie tae be born a cabbage.
Some say that the Irish are the trash ay Europe. That’s shite. It’s the Scots. The Irish hud the bottle tae win thir country back, or at least maist ay it.
Stoap fah-kin whingein. Ah ken how bad it is. Ah went through this a few times n aw remember. Yiv been oaf it a couple ay days now. Yir nearly through the fuckin worst. Ah ken it’s sair, bit if ye start shootin now, that’s the gig fucked. Keep takin the vallies. Ah’ll score ye some hash fir the weekend. — Hash? Hash! You’re a fuckin comedian. Might as well try tae combat third world famine wi a packet ay frozen peas.
Ah goat a nice wee dress fir Angela’s wee yin, Ma sais, holding up what could indeed only be described as a nice wee dress.
Faither slaps us oan the back n winks n Ma gies us a heart-wrenchingly tender and smotheringly indulgent smile. Nae doubt aboot it, thir no bad auld cunts. Ah love the fuck oot ay the bastards, if the truth be telt.
The guy has a face that just disapproves ay the world in general and looks ready for a square go wi it.
They’re fill ay shite aboot how he died in the service ay his country n aw that servile Hun crap. Billy was a silly cunt, pure and simple. No a hero, no a martyr, jist a daft cunt.
