The Fourth Bear (Nursery Crime, #2)

by Jasper Fforde

Did you know that Pippa is up the duff?’ ‘You’re kidding!’ ‘No; she was talking to her mother all about it. And what’s more,’ continued Ashley, ‘the father is Peck – you know, in Uniform with the pockmarked face and the twin over in the Palmer Park?’ ‘What’s going on?’ asked Mary. ‘Pippa’s pregnant by Peck.’ ‘Pippa Piper picked Peck over Pickle or Pepper?’ exclaimed Mary incredulously. ‘Which of the Peck pair did Pippa Piper pick?’ ‘Peter “pockmarked” Peck of Palmer Park. He was the Peck that Pippa Piper picked.’ ‘No, no,’ returned Mary, ‘you’ve got it all wrong. Paul Peck is the Palmer Park Peck; Peter Peck is the pockmarked Peck from Pembroke Park. Pillocks. I’d placed a pound on Pippa Piper picking PC Percy Proctor from Pocklington.’ There was a pause. ‘It seems a very laborious set-up for a pretty lame joke, doesn’t it?’

Possibly one of the best wind ups I've ever read