The Scots have a word that’s useful in this context: “ken”; you may be familiar with it from the expression “beyond your ken.” It comes from sailors who used the word to describe the area as far as they could see to the horizon. If you’re going to have a good hard conversation with someone, you have to step into their ken. If you step into someone’s ken, it shows that you at least want to understand. That’s a powerful way to show respect. The authors of Crucial Conversations observe that in any conversation, respect is like air. When it’s present nobody notices, but when it’s absent it’s all
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