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Pleasure comes with precision, not desperation.
Most blame others for their demons. We’re all victims one way or another, right? But not me. There’s no one else to blame. I got this way all on my own. I’m the fucking monster in this story.
“Fuck, I think you might be my new favourite,” Phoenix gasps. She laughs, returning to her half-eaten apple like nothing happened. We’re in for trouble with this one.
I’m on a path to self-destruction and I fucking love it. Beyond redemption, baby. To hell with them all.
Distantly, I wonder what it would be like to feel loved. To share something with someone special. I had that once, a lifetime ago. Brief and fleeting, a whirlwind love affair that ended as explosively as it began. It’s always the same with me. I ruin any good that comes into my life. I may not deserve it, but I’d do anything to feel that again.
Music is a good coping mechanism. It drowns out the rest of my senses. The louder and angrier, the better. Nothing else gets through when my brain is occupied with sound.
She’s broken in a way that is plain as day to me, calling out to my own greedy demons. I’ve always loved breaking things and she’s teetering on the edge. I want nothing more than to shove her off the precipice and follow her all the way down to the depths of hell.
She looks like a beautiful fucking disaster, one that I can’t wait to see unfold.
“Nobody is all good, Brooke. We’re all somewhere on the spectrum of morality, dabbling in shades of grey. There’s no such thing as good and bad. Not really.”
“We’re all cowards, Kade. Running scared from our pasts, avoiding the inevitable. It always finds its way back to us in the end.”
I understand the need to gamble with that delicate line, somewhere between life and death. Too deep, and that’s it. Not deep enough and you’re left wanting more. It’s a vicious, addictive cycle.
The way he looks at me? It’s fucking addictive. Like I’m the very oxygen he breathes.
I can’t explain it, the way I get attached to people. It’s like my heart claims them long before my brain has a chance to catch up. No matter who they are or what they’ve done, once I’m invested, there’s no turning back.
People love to cry victim and play the innocent card when really, we’re all equally fucked up in our own way. The only difference is, some of us wear it on our sleeves, while others live a lie.
That girl is sin personified.
She isn’t allowed to breathe if it’s not for me.
Shit happens. Parents only disappoint. Us kids are always left to pick up the pieces.
Hudson killed for her, a truly pathetic excuse for a parent. And now she’s going to bury him for it.
Do you ever stop to think about how the past defines you? Most people don’t. They just shake it off and move on. I’ve never been like that.
Some people leave empty spaces where they used to be. I’m already empty. I don’t exist.
Your sins don’t have to define you.”
Some scars simply run too deep.
Life is fucking temporary, fleeting in its brutality. It ends and begins, trapped on an endless loop that most are powerless to escape.
I might be the bad guy right now, but the feeling is mutual. I fucking hate him and everything he represents. But goddammit, if I don’t want to crawl inside his body and die there just so we will never be parted.
Our relationship has never been normal or healthy, and certainly never pure. We’re just clinging to whatever scraps of light we can find.
“Nothing like a near-death experience to sharpen your perspective. Maybe we should all try killing ourselves once in a while, give us all a new lease of life.”
She is mine and I am hers. My scars are her scars.
I’m the sick boy she fell in love with. She’s the sick girl I’m obsessed with. Perhaps, we’re each other’s antidotes.
The bond between parent and child is an odd thing. They have the power to tear us down inch by excruciating inch; abuse us, break us, traumatise us until nothing but broken pieces remain. I know that all too well. Hell, we all do. But somehow, our inner child will always love the monsters that brought us into the world. It’s ingrained too deep to dig out.
Layer upon layer of imperfect human being, much like us all. Somehow, he’s still it for me. The beginning and the end.
“Like hell we can’t. I’ll be the judge, jury, and executioner for you, blackbird. I’ll be the bad guy if that’s what you need. I’ll be the monster. As long as it buys me your love.”
He's my safe place. My twin flame. My fucking partner in darkness. I wonder if I’m his.
If nothing else, it taught me one thing—that when you find something worth fighting for, you hold the fuck on and don’t let go.
“I want to be the man you deserve, blackbird. The person I should have been all along.” Pecking his lips again, I sit back. “You always have been that man, Hud. I never wanted the good parts of you. Your darkness is my home. The rest is just an added bonus.”
When I fall asleep too, Kade’s earlier words echo in my head. He was right all along. We get through shit as a family. Together, not apart. All we have left in this world is each other, and that alone is worth enduring all this pain and heartache for.
“I’ll be here until you know what you want,” I promise.
“You’re scared.” I grab a handful of his plain t-shirt. “I know what it’s like to lose everything that matters to you. When I make a promise, I keep it. You will never have to lose me.”
“I’m not sure what love means.” Seven’s brows crease. “But… I think it would feel like this. I can’t breathe when I’m around you. All I want is to drink the oxygen from your lungs. Living in a world without your strength at my side is no longer an option. I can’t take another step alone.”
“I swear on what’s left of my life, I will always find you,”
“I’m glad I had the chance to go back and make a different decision.” Brooklyn’s smile is heartbreaking. “I think we had to break apart to fall together again. I needed to see a world without you in it.” “How was it?” She runs a thumb over my bottom lip. “It was fucking empty.”
Friendship is a weird concept, even to the most adept of humans. It can break and bend so many times, but some bonds survive the test of time.
“We all deserve to be forgiven, Brooke. Even the monsters. That’s what makes this life beautiful. The ability to love, no matter what.”
Death is such a quick act for a permanent end.
I know what families do to you. I still bear the scars to prove it. Those sworn to love and protect us are often the ones most equipped to tear us to shreds, piece by fucking piece.
In the darkest of times, light finds its way back in.
The one thing I do know for certain? I’m yours. Irrevocably. Forever.
Saying goodbye is hard for the staff too. People who work in mental health are fucking underrated.
