The Stars Don't Lie

by Boo Walker

“You are no Heathcliff, Carver. Love certainly comes with its risks, but the risk of living a life without love is far more dangerous.”

I lay down in the grass and let my eyes feast on this bit of heaven, my awe drawing me upward, allowing me to run with the stars, to mingle with them. I wasn’t alone—didn’t have to be alone; didn’t have to keep hiding. I’d kept people at a distance for so long because I was afraid they’d see me for the flawed person that I really was. I’d hidden from myself by creating this facade that didn’t even matter.

I didn’t have all the answers right then, but I knew tonight was the night when I drew a line in the sand. No more pretending, no more putting Band-Aids on the wounds of my soul. No more chasing. Most importantly, it was time to let go of what I’d done. Time to forgive myself for falling apart back then and to forgive myself for ruining my parents’ marriage. It wasn’t about blame, was it? Nor was it about punishing myself. It was about accepting that it had happened and letting it be. We were all together, all flawed beings trying to find our ways, and it was okay to make mistakes, because we were all making them—we were destined to make them. It was okay to laugh at ourselves.