The Stars Don't Lie

by Boo Walker

“And remember . . . the stars don’t lie.”

“Carver, this has nothing to do with you—or what happened before you left. This is about me wanting to live my last years differently. It doesn’t mean I love you or your mom any less.”

That bottom bunk was where, on November 23, 1998, I had dragged a razor blade up my wrist, hoping to end the unbearable hurt that had been drowning me.

“And remember . . . the stars don’t lie.”

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars and see yourself running with them.”

You should spend some time looking up toward the sky.’ You told me that, with some diligence, I’d figure out what you meant. Then you gave me a book. Do you remember what it was?” She searched her memory. “I can’t recall.” “William Styron. Darkness Visible.”

“Mingle the starlight with your lives and you won’t be fretted by trifles.” “Ah, I suppose I do remember that quote.” “What she’s going after is exactly why she became an astronomer in the first place, and why I have always impressed upon you and every other one of my students the importance of lifting one’s chin. It’s about experiencing awe, Carver. When you can put yourself in a state of awe, you see things for what they truly are. We’re lifted out of the fragile cage in which our tiny minds are often trapped.”

“Allowing yourself to be absorbed by the largeness of what’s out there will put you in a different state of mind.”

Quit trying to prove to yourself and everyone else that you matter. You’re still living like the entire world is judging you . . . waiting for you to fail.”

If we all had to wear cards showing a list of our missteps, we’d be less judgmental. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone else. Everyone involved during that time in your life surely understands that you regret what happened and are grateful you’re still alive.”

All the motivation you need is in the joy of realizing your full potential.”

“Spend some time looking toward the sky.”

“Because the stars don’t lie.”

“We’re all carbon and water, Carver. A peek up high will settle that idea into your soul.

“I’ve looked up plenty, and what I’ve learned . . . is that even stars go dark.” She chewed on the thought. “Even stars go dark. And that’s okay. I’m ready to say goodbye. I’m ready to join my Tom.”

“Let me go, Carver. Go back to Asheville and live your best life. I’ve lived mine.”

“The world wouldn’t be the same without you in it.” She gave a dark laugh. “The world will keep on spinning just fine without me.”

“No. I’m not buying it. You didn’t let me go back then, and I’m not letting you go now.”

‘There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is.’

She had a way of swaying this skeptic toward some sort of faith. Faith that we weren’t alone; faith that there was something beyond what we saw; that there was a purpose to these lives we were living. A woman who could do that . . . man, oh man. I couldn’t imagine letting her go without at least taking a chance at telling her how I felt about her. Even if the idea scared the hell out of me.

“Because you’re right and you’re right and you’re right. I could do better.”

Something had to change. When would I ever be enough? Mrs. C had asked me how much I had to do before I realized I was worthy as I was. When would it ever stop?

I didn’t have all the answers right then, but I knew tonight was the night when I drew a line in the sand. No more pretending, no more putting Band-Aids on the wounds of my soul. No more chasing. Most importantly, it was time to let go of what I’d done. Time to forgive myself for falling apart back then and to forgive myself for ruining my parents’ marriage. It wasn’t about blame, was it? Nor was it about punishing myself. It was about accepting that it had happened and letting it be. We were all together, all flawed beings trying to find our ways, and it was okay to make mistakes, because we were all making them—we were destined to make them. It was okay to laugh at ourselves.

A night sky that can’t be denied.”

“As small and as insignificant as I am, I’m a part of you. And it’s one big, beautiful thing that we make, this living and breathing and ever-flawed oneness.”

Like every single star up there, you’re perfect just the way you are, Carver.

“You’re perfect just the way you are.”

The stars don’t lie.

You can’t know how great love is until you’re in it, and you can’t know the heartache either. We all hit a rough patch and dealt with it the best we could. Nobody is perfect, and that especially includes me.”

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”

love is worth the risk, because a life without love isn’t a life at all.