Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

by Kristin Neff

I realized that self-compassion was the perfect alternative to the relentless pursuit of self-esteem. Why? Because it offers the same protection against harsh self-criticism as self-esteem, but without the need to see ourselves as perfect or as better than others. In other words, self-compassion provides the same benefits as high self-esteem without its drawbacks.

People with critical parents learn the message early on that they are so bad and flawed that they have no right to be accepted for who they are.

The best way to counteract self-criticism, therefore, is to understand it, have compassion for it, and then replace it with a kinder response.

The main point is that you validate and listen to what you really need in the moment, and you express empathy toward yourself rather than condemnation.

Because I wanted so desperately to be loved and accepted, I began to change myself into the person he thought I should be.

Whereas self-pity says “poor me,” self-compassion remembers that everyone suffers, and it offers comfort because everyone is human.

Imperfection also makes growth and learning possible.

Yes, failure is frustrating. But it’s also temporary and eventually yields wisdom.

rumination on negative thoughts and emotions stems from the underlying desire to be safe.

LIFE’S A BITCH, ’CAUSE IF IT WAS A SLUT IT’D BE EASY.

Sadly, narcissism is more common than you might think among people doing good works in the world.