A Hat Full of Sky (Discworld, #32)

by Terry Pratchett

Witches were a bit like cats. They didn’t much like one another’s company, but they did like to know where all the other witches were, just in case they needed them. And what you might need them for was to tell you, as a friend, that you were beginning to cackle.

‘Well, yes,’ said Miss Level. ‘We do what can be done. Mistress Weatherwax said you’ve got to learn that witchcraft is mostly about doing quite ordinary things.’ ‘And you have do what she says?’ said Tiffany. ‘I listen to her advice,’ said Miss Level, coldly. ‘Mistress Weatherwax is the head witch, then, is she?’ ‘Oh no!’ said Miss Level, looking shocked. ‘Witches are all equal. We don’t have things like head witches. That’s quite against the spirit of witchcraft.’ ‘Oh, I see,’ said Tiffany. ‘Besides,’ Miss Level added, ‘Mistress Weatherwax would never allow that sort of thing.’

‘Here you are. Would you like some pickles?’ ‘Pickles gives me the wind something awful.’ ‘In that case—’ ‘Oh, I wasn’t saying no,’ said Mistress Weatherwax, taking two large pickled cucumbers. Oh, good, Tiffany thought.

There was a snore beside her. It was one of those good solid ones, like ripping canvas.

Tiffany jumped when she saw a balloon sail up above the trees, catch the wind and swoop away, but it turned out to be just a balloon and not a lump of excess Brian. She could tell this because it was followed by a long scream of rage mixed with a roar of complaint: ‘AAaargwannawannaaaagongongonaargggaaaa BLOON!’ which is the traditional sound of a very small child learning that with balloons, as with life itself, it is important to know when not to let go of the string. The whole point of balloons is to teach small children this.