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while I kept my eyes open just enough to see where I was walking—our mother’s brown shoes going up and down—in my mind I was setting the table with a green cloth and bringing out yellow dishes and strawberries in a white bowl.
this kind of dissociation as a coping strategy is reminding me of Eleanor in Hill House. trauma response? focusing on details.
Jonas, my cat,
“Arsenic in the sugar,”
Some of us, that day, she led inexorably through the gates of death. Some of us, innocent and unsuspecting, took, unwillingly, that one last step to oblivion. Some of us took very little sugar.”
All cat stories start with the statement: “My mother, who was the first cat, told me this,”
wondered about going down to the creek, but I had no reason to suppose that the creek would even be there, since I never visited it on Tuesday mornings;
Our house was a castle, turreted and open to the sky.
the town, in both instances, is pretty well recognizable as North Bennington, Vermont.

