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February 20 - March 4, 2018
I’m talking about anything and everything—work, family, Top Chef—without a filter. It’s so natural and I feel so … light. It’s as if I was totally unaware I’d been lugging around this burden until it was lifted. The weight, I guess, was the heavy load of loneliness,
The unfortunate truth is that we live in a society that’s not only suspicious of people who declare they’re looking for friends, but thinks friendliness in general must be qualified.
Psychologists say that within ten minutes of meeting a person, you decide what kind of relationship you hope to have. Ten minutes
four steps to lasting friendship—self-disclosure, supportiveness, interaction, and positivity—
It’s a slippery slope, knowing too much too soon.
Of course, this is only one way to look at religion. Because while, yes, it has been the most enduring uniter in human history, some would argue it’s also been the greatest divider.
I’m confident that I’d get to know people if I joined a women’s or young adult group at a nearby temple, but I feel like it would be under false pretenses. I’d be implying that I have certain values that I don’t, which feels a bit sneaky.
The text-only lifestyle has certainly found its way into adult friendships. These days, I only talk on the phone with my out-of-town friends. When the Chicagoans whose numbers I do have pop up on my ringing phone, I immediately wonder what’s wrong.
John Cacioppo told me face-to-face is better than phone, phone is better than email, email is better than Facebook, and so on. It’s unfortunate that phone calls are a thing of the past, but it’s reality.
like having plans. I like keeping them. Even if said plan is to spend an uninterrupted hour watching Friday Night Lights. If I pass the day excited about solo time on the couch with a glass of wine, pad thai, and Tim Riggins, it’s hard to shift gears and muster up enthusiasm for an invitation when it comes my way.
But spontaneity isn’t my natural state, and friendship goes two ways. I can’t require a BFF to always be available in thirty minutes, and then get miffed if she reaches out in the morning for dinner seven hours later. And I can’t strive for a spontaneous friendship when impulsiveness isn’t really my thing.
People want friends, they’re just embarrassed to ask for them.”
We walk together toward the train and my car. As we part ways, I’m reminded of that Friends episode where Chandler says “We should do it again sometime!” at the end of every date, even the awful ones. As Maggie and I stand on the corner, trying to gracefully part ways, I hear the Mr. Bing reflex going off in my head.
It’s takes more than a simple click. It takes being proactive, and setting aside time despite hectic schedules on both sides. But if each potential BFF is excited about the prospect of a new friendship, they’ll do the work.
One person can’t make me whole, anyway. That’s something I need to do for myself.
Professional networking is very similar to personal friending. You have to believe that people will be open to your advances. We psych ourselves out of approaching a potential BFF or emailing a role model because it seems far-fetched that they’d want to be friends or network with us in return. But, as has always been the case this year, people are happy to make new connections. More often than not only good can come of it and, at least in the case of networking, writing an email doesn’t take much time or energy.
If I want a friendship to happen, especially in the early stages, I have to do the work. I can’t count on others to reach out to me.
