“Darling, I am pornography,” Jack declared, not seeming bothered by my reaction in the least. “I’ve been redefining the medium since I was twenty, erasing boundaries and inspiring ode-like Pornhub comments for years. My oeuvre defies categories and transgresses expectations; I’ve been called ‘bold,’ ‘fearless,’ and ‘eerily limber.’ My bisexual Hoover Dam orgy has been viewed over a million times, and I’ve had not one, but two! Two toys! That were molded from my anatomy—both of which come with discreet yet stylish travel cases, by the way.”
